


Something casual

by 3cheers4sweet_romance



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Eventual Relationships, From Sex to Love, Gay Sex, Hook-Up, M/M, Matchmaker Mikey, POV Gerard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-04 20:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1792759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3cheers4sweet_romance/pseuds/3cheers4sweet_romance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Gerard had with Frank was supposed to be just a hook up, a one night thing. Gerard wasn't ready to be in a real relationship yet, he didn't want one. So, when and why did it become a relationship?<br/>Also Gerard has a child in this one. It's an egg with a face painted on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just a hook up

Gerard can hear the traffic noise and the sound of people passing by the street. His eyes are still closed, but he can see that reddish light behind his eyelids that indicates him that the morning sunlight is already filling the room through the windows. Nevertheless, Gerard isn't ready to wake up yet, so he reaches for the sheets that are laying carelessly over his chest and pulls them in order to cover his head up completely. He flips around and lays down, but before he can bury his face in the pillow and fall asleep again, he feels someone moving next to him.

Gerard jumps back and sits up immediately. He gasps and opens wide eyes when he realizes that there's a naked man sleeping next to him. “Frank!” he remembers the name of the man but he doesn't say it aloud. Frank is asleep, lying down with his face shoved in the pillow, one arm over his head and the other one hanging down the edge of the bed. His upper body is exposed since he's undressed and the sheets only cover him from the waist down.

Gerard gets a little closer and reaches out to pat the man on the shoulder, but as soon as his hand is just a few inches away from the colored skin of Frank's back, Gerard clenches it and reconsiders what he's about to do. He decides to let the man wake up on his own and carefully gets up from the bed. After considering it for a minute, he takes some clothes out of his dresser. He keeps glancing at Frank as he rummages in the drawers, looking for clean clothes and hoping that Frank will wake up and leave soon. Gerard stares for a few more moments but nothing, the other man seems to be immersed in a profound state of sleep.

"Okay then," Gerard sighs, grabs the clothes and walks to the bathroom. He closes the door with a loud thud, then opens it again slowly just enough for him to peep and see if Frank woke up by the noise of the door being slammed, but no, the man lying on the bed didn't even flinch and Gerard doesn't know what to do. He recalls what happened the night before once he's in the shower. He is washing his hair, his eyes are closed and his head tilted back whilst he's massaging his scalp gently and replaying in his mind the first time that he saw Frank.

  
_As most Friday nights since Mikey stared his band, Gerard was at some dark club, watching some local bands play. He usually avoids crowds, but that night he felt like spending some energy, moving his body rythmically in the center of the pit. The band that was playing on stage was good, there was no doubt about it, but he was waiting for the second band to appear._

 _He craned his head up  over the dancing crowd, to_ _see_ _if his brother could be seen sidestage. He held that position for a moment, but then something made him turn his head. He glanced over his shoulder as he felt someone staring at him. As he looked to the side, he saw a pair of big bright eyes framed by arched eyebrows, a dark fringe falling over them and luscious lips decorated with a metal ring that shined every time that that face was illuminated by the flashes of the spinning stage lights. It was instant attraction._

_Their eyes locked for a moment; Gerard gaped slightly and felt his heart starting to pound. The other man grinned kind of shyly, then he looked down and bit his bottom lip. They both looked up to the front, though, as the first band finished playing their last song and the audience started to clap and cheer eagerly. After a while, the next band appeared on stage and the five members started to prepare their instruments._

_Suddenly this other man that had been staring at Gerard, was standing right next to him._

_“Hey, I'm Frank,” the shorter man was smiling warmly while reaching his hand to shake Gerard's._

_“Oh, hi...” he felt like choking a little, he didn't expect that this hot guy would approach him and talk to him just like that._

_“Um... I'm Gerard,” he finally answered, stuttering._

_Frank's grin got even wider and stepped aside, getting into Gerard's space. “So, Gerard, are you here alone?” He asked._

_The taller man shook his head, “Well..." Gerard considered it for a moment. "Technically no,” he glanced to the front, “I came with my brother, um... He's on stage right now”._

_“Oh, really?” Frank said turning his face to the front as well and lifting his head up._

_“Yeah," Gerard nodded, "You see the skinny guy with the bass?” Gerard said pointing at Mikey._

_“Yeah,” Frank replied.  
_

_"That's my brother, Mikey”._

_“Well..." Frank looked back. "You two don't look alike,” he commented and Gerard smirked._

_“No, certainly not”. He had heard that lots of times, it seemed that every time Gerard told anyone that he had a younger brother, people expected to see a replica of himself, like a twin brother or something._

_He was about to say something to that effect, when the music started to play again and a voice on the microphone shouted the band's name and asked the crowd to make some noise. As the performance continued the two men got engrossed watching the band playing._

_“They're pretty good!” Frank yelled next to Gerard's ear._

_“I know,” Gerard nodded, grinning. He's actually pretty proud of Mikey and how he had been able to start a band from scratch and make it work, so every time that someone mentioned how good they were, he could only agree with the praise._

_Some guys in front of them moved closer and Frank lifted his head up trying to see over their heads, but he couldn't, he was too short, so he placed himself in front of Gerard._

_“I can see the stage better from here,” he shouted, turning back._ _They both were dancing enthusiastically as the band kept playing and every now and then Frank looked back and gave Gerard a small, somehow playful smile. Was he flirting? Gerard wasn't sure, he was a little rusty in that kind of matters and plus, he was never good at reading flirting signs anyway._

_The last song that Mikey's band played was more rhythmic than the others and everybody in the pit started moving frantically. Somehow, the movement of the crowd made the space between them shrink. The next thing that Gerard knew was that Frank was standing so close, that the older man could feel every single move of Frank's body. Suddenly, Frank was not only dancing but also, rubbing his ass against Gerard's crotch and one of his hands was drawing patterns smoothly on the side of Gerard's thigh. If this was Frank's way of flirting, Gerard was sure that it was anything but subtle._

_He wrapped his hands around Frank's waist and pressed closer. What they were doing was so hot, that by the end of the song, Gerard was half hard and panting a little over Frank's shoulder._

_“Wanna go somewhere?” Frank asked while turning back to face Gerard with a mischievous look in his eyes._

_“Sure”, Gerard couldn't say no to that kind of proposition, and as soon as they went out, their lips crashed against each other's. They started kissing eagerly, Gerard pinning Frank against the side wall of the building, as thier tongues met for the first time._

_“Can we go to your place?” Frank asked in a husky, really sexy voice, he had his face resting on the side of Gerard's neck, they both were still trying to catch their breath after a heated make out session._

_“Yeah...” Gerard exhaled, his eyes were half closed but then he opened them fully as he remembered something. He tucked his hand in his jacket pocket and took his cell phone out. “_

_Just let me tell my brother that I'm leaving”, he said while pressing a botton._

_“Okay, my car is over there”, Frank said pointing at a black car that was parked in the other side of the street._

_Half an hour later, they were already naked and lying on Gerard's bed. Their limbs entangled, their lips swollen from all the kissing and their erections rubbing roughly against each other's bodies. Gerard couldn't have enough of Frank's taste, kissing him felt so good that he could kept doing it the whole night, but Frank seemed to have other planss. He broke the kiss and grabbed Gerard's chin up gently. When he man opened his eyes, Frank smiled playfully at him._

_"There's something I want to do," he said softly and started to kiss and lick his way down on Gerard._

_"Anything," he gasped and immediately felt his cock being enveloped by the tight heat of Frank's mouth._

_Gerard hadn't had a real relationship in years and the last time that he had a one night stand was before he got clean and sober about a year ago. He raised his standars since then and decided to be more careful about the people he slept with; he wouldn't fuck any faceless drunk he could pick up at a bar like he used to. Although he didn't know a thing about Frank, this time felt different because neither he nor Frank were drunk and they didn't meet at a bar or other place where they could get intoxicated, but at a gig where his brother's band was playing, which was pretty much a safe environment. Plus, he hadn't felt so attracted to anyone in years._

_After he let out his dick, Frank used his tongue to mark a wet trail down Gerard's inner thighs, then he spread his legs apart slowly and carefully._

_“Got lube?” Frank asked quietly._

_Gerard barely heard him, he was so blown away by the way that Frank was kissing and caressing his thighs, but he managed to reach out and open up the nightstand drawer. He took a little bottle filled with a clear liquid and a white plastic envelope out._

_“Here,” he said breathlessly. Once that Frank took both ítems, Gerard sank his head back in the pillow, he arched his neck, squeezed his eyes shut and gaped as he felt Frank's smooth fingers rubbing circles around his entrance._

_It all felt so good, that Gerard was writhing with pleasure under Frank and was also triying to quiet his moans by pressing his mouth against the other man's shoulder and neck. He wasn't sure that Mikey had arrived to the apartment yet, but he didn't want him to hear his sex noises if he already had._

_Although Gerard didn't let himself to be loud, he was being pretty vocal in his mind._

_“Oh my god!" He said to himself. "He's inside me now..."_

_His back arched as he felt Frank's cock going deeper in him."I didn't even remember how good this feels... Jesus!" Gerard trembled and arched his back even farther when he felt Frank hitting his prostate. "Yeah..."  He panted, "Hit that spot again. That's it... Oh god!" He clenched his fists, grabbing the sheets and his toes curl and uncurl . "I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come so hard!”  He though and felt his orgams hitting him a moment later. Gerard dug his nails in Franks back and buried his teeth in his shoulder as he came hard, feeling the intense wave of pleasure hitting every part of his body. A few more thrusts later, he felt Frank coming inside him._

Once that the water stops running down his body, Gerard walks out of the shower and takes a towel; first he pats his body with it, then he starts to rub his hair dry. When he looks up, he sees his reflection in the mirror. Gerard stares at his picture, blurred because of the steamy surface of the mirror, and sighs.

“So last night was good, well... more than good, it was actually great...” He huffs harshly, “But I really hope he's already left”.


	2. Frnk!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank wakes up.

Gerard is standing behind the bathroom door with one ear pressed against it, trying to hear anything that can indicate him that Frank, the man that was lying on his bed minutes ago, has already left. He's fully dressed, he put his clothes on in there because, even when he was stark naked, writhing shamelessly in bed the night before, now he's self conscious and he doesn't feel like showing his bare body to a man he barely knows. He stays like that for a few moments, his body leaning against the door, frowning, his lips parted and all his attention focused on catching any audible sound coming from the bedroom, but he can't hear anything , which Gerard can't really tell if it's a good sign or a bad one.

He's aware of what he's doing is ridiculous, that he shouldn't be hiding behind a door and he wants to slap himself for being so awkward and such a coward, but he never had to deal with a situation like this. He rarely has brought strange men to his apartment, and the few times he has, the anonymous guys that he used to fool around with, vanished as the first sunbeams stared to shine on the horizon, just like the creatures of the night do.

“At least we can say that he's not a vampire or something,” Gerard thinks. He had discussed the existence of such creatures with his brother and his friend Ray. Each one had a different opinion about it, but despite of the arguments against it, Gerard is convinced that blood sucking beings walking among us are pretty feasible. “Now I'm digressing... I have to go out and see if he's gone yet”. Gerard puts his hand on the knob, takes a deep breath and twists his wrist.

The moment he opens the door, Gerard sees the other man sprinting out of the bed.

“Good, you're out. I have to pee,” Frank rushes to the bathroom and passes running in front of him. Gerard steps back and forces himself to hold his sight up high trying to ignore the fact that all that Frank is wearing is tiny blue underwear. He rubs a hand against his pouting face and sighs once he hears the door being closed behind him.

“So, he's gonna stay a little more, isn't he?” Gerard huffs. “I guess that the least that I can do is be a good host, right?” Gerard knocks on the bathroom door and calls the other man's name, “Frank?”.

“Yes?” he says louder than needed.

“There's a spare toothbrush in the cabinet if you want it,” Gerard brings his face closer to the door.

After a bit, Frank replies, “Yeah, I found it, thanks”.

Gerard turns around, runs his fingers through his hair and throws his head back. He isn't sure how to feel about this guy. The attraction he feels towards him is strong, there's no way he can deny that. Actually it is stronger than what he have felt in a long time, but he's not ready to be in a relationship, not that he's assuming that after a night of sex, he already got himself a boyfriend or something, but that's just how paranoid Gerard is about being close to something that could lead him to a situation where feelings and emotional connection are involved.

Gerard brings his head down and looks at the other side of the room with a grimace. He sees the duvet on the floor, the sheets lying messily and the pillows scattered on the bed. “I should do the bed,” he thinks and scratches his head. He walks there decided to clean up the mess, but then he stops, sits in front of his desk and turns his computer on, instead. He needs to check his email and see if Ray has already sent him feedback on the sketches he handed him, and he never does his bed anyways.

When Frank walks out of the bathroom, Gerard tries to keep his eyes on the screen and look busy, but he can see Frank walking towards him by the corner of his eye, though. The shorter man takes his jeans and puts them on, then he sits on the bed and ties his sneakers. Gerard is chewing his thumb while checking the inbox; he wants to turn around and say something but he refrains. Meanwhile, Frank lifts the covers up repeatedly looking for something.

“Have you seen my shirt?”, he finally asks. Gerard looks down to the floor and sees the red T shirt lying by the foot of the bed. He leans down and grabs it. “Here.”

Frank stands up and reaches for the piece of clothing. “Thanks”, he says, looking directly at Gerard's eyes, then he bites his bottom lip. They stare at each other for a moment and Gerard is gaping slightly. When Frank's teeth release his lip, a bright wide smile illuminates his face. Gerard's instant reaction is letting show a smile just as wide, but suddenly, he realizes that they've been staring, his eyes widen and he turns back to his computer awkwardly.

Frank looks down sheepishly, then he spreads the T shirt, lifts his arms up and tugs it on. “My jacket?” he asks.

“I think I saw it on the couch,” Gerard points to the door, signaling the direction of the living room. Gerard was pretty sure that he saw the leather jacket landing on the couch the moment they broke into the apartment the night before, when they were kissing ferociously and taking their clothes off desperately while they were making their way to the bedroom. Frank nods and walks out. Gerard sighs, feeling relief, it seems that the other man is finally leaving. He clicks on the message that Ray sent him and starts to read.

Ten minutes later, Gerard hears voices coming from the kitchen. He stands up and sticks part of his head out the door. He sees Frank and Mikey talking, they're sitting at the kitchen counter. “Okay, now he's talking to Mikey and... They are having cereal?” Gerard can see two big bowls served. He huffs and walks back to his desk. As he sits down again, he hears loud laughter. “They're laughing! Great, apparently they are best friends now”. Gerard rubs a hand roughly against his face and huffs, then he raises and decides to join the two men in the kitchen.

“Oh, hi Gerard,” Mikey says, grinning, “I just met your friend”. Frank waves and grins with his mouth closed and his cheeks full with cereal.

“Yeah, I see that”, says Gerard while he's walking through the small living room towards the smaller kitchen area. Frank chews, stands up from the stool he's sitting on and walks to meet the other man in the middle of the living.

“So, Gerard what are you doing later?” Frank asks casually while he tugs a strand of hair behind his ear.

Gerard raises an eyebrow and gapes, “Um...” he hesitates. “Maybe we can go somewhere and then have lunch or something,” Frank tells his plan grinning.

Gerard's eyebrows widen. “Now, he's asking me out?” He panics. “I... I have some work to do, actually,” he blurts an excuse, “But... You can stay around if you want”.

Frank averts his gaze and takes a hand to the back of his head. “No,” he frowns, “I'd better go, I just remembered that I have an appointment later”. Frank walks to the couch and grabs his jacket, then turns to the counter where Mikey is still sitting. “So, it was nice meeting you”.

Mikey nods, “You too,” he says and waves at him while taking a spoon full of cereal to his mouth.

Then Frank walks to the door and Gerard follows him.

“So...” Frank says, stepping closer. “So?” Gerard asks feeling the rate of his pulse increasing as he feels the proximity of the other man. Frank's so close now that their faces are just a few inches away from each other. Gerard feels Frank's eyes boring into his own.

“Is he going to kiss me now?” The older man asks himself. Then he sees Frank reaching for his hip; he tucks a hand slowly inside Gerard's right pocket and takes his cell phone out.

“What are you doing?” Gerard asks, confused.

“I'm giving you my number,” Frank presses the buttons and then types something. Meanwhile, Gerard's absorbed looking at the other man, a voice inside his head tells him that he has to say something, but the words don't come out, he remains silent. Once that Frank's done, he shows the screen of the phone to Gerard; he has added his number to the list of contacts by the name of _Frnk!_ Then puts the cell phone back in Gerard's jeans pocket. He gasps when he feels the touch of the younger man and the closeness of his body.

“Will you call me?” Frank asks in a husky voice, his face is slightly tilted to the left and he has an eyebrow arched in a seductive way. Gerard is gaping and staring with wide eyes. “Sure,” he nods nervously and bites his lip.

“Good,” Frank smiles, as wide and bright as before, “Bye Gerard”.

“Bye Frank,” Gerard sees the other man walking out and stays by the door until Frank disappears into the hall.


	3. Bonnie the egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard isn't sure about calling Frank, then Mikey intervenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer than the first ones.  
> Also, this is not based on any actual AA protocol. As you know, this is just pure fictional nonsense.

“He's cool,” Gerard jumps when he hears Mikey's voice behind him. He closes the door and walks to the kitchen where his brother is still sitting eating cereal.

“Who?” Gerard asks oblivious. “Frank,” Mikey snorts and rolls his eyes. “Right,” the older brother shakes his head, realizing that he got distracted and asked an obvious question. “Yeah, he seems cool,” he answers nodding.

“So... Are you calling him?” Mikey asks and takes a spoon full of cereal to his mouth.

“I don't know..." Gerard scowls. “I don't think I'm ready for that yet,” he says shrugging.

Mikey swallows and purses his lips, “Well, it's been over a year now. Aren't you allowed to date after a year?” Mikey inquires. He's been feeling a little concerned about his brother being alone all the time. Apart from the time he spends with Ray, his only close friend, and from Mikey's weekly visits, Gerard's pretty much on his own. Although that's better than being surrounded by drunk assholes all the time like he used to, Mikey knows that there's so much loneliness a man like Gerard can take without returning to his old drinking habits. “What do the AA rules say about that?” Mikey looks at his brother expectantly.

“Well...” Gerard keeps walking, passes behind Mikey and takes a bowl from one of the shelves. “It has to be progressive, you know. I think that you can start with a plant,” he takes a spoon out of a drawer. “First a low maintenance one like a cactus...” Gerard walks to the fridge and pulls the door open. “If it survives you can get more demanding plants, like the kind that require to be watered every day,” then grabs a bottle of milk.

“Um, where can we find _cactuses_ in New Jersey?” Mikey asks frowning.

“I don't know,” Gerard shrugs. “Then you can have a pet, a small one,” he takes the bowl, the spoon and the bottle to the counter. “Preferably one with a short life expectance and that doesn't show any emotions so you don't get attached to it... Like a fish or something”. The older brother continues talking while he pours the white liquid into the bowl.

“Fish, huh? Can you trade that for a visit to the aquarium?”

Gerard raises an eyebrow and chuckles at Mikey's suggestion. “Anyway, after that, you can get a pet that you can actually pet, like a...” Gerard sits next to his brother and points to his right. “Maybe a dog”.

“I would like to have a dog”, Mikey says while handing Gerard the box of cereal.

“Yeah, me too,” Gerard says pensively and pours some frosted flakes into his bowl.

“If all that goes well, then you can have a relationship; something casual, mostly, something that allows you to keep a good comfortable distance so no one gets hurt,” Gerard scratches his left ear and then he takes a spoon full of cereal to his mouth.

“Okay, so you can start with that”. Mikey says enthusiastically. “We'll get a cactus and I'm sure that that vase over there would make a very nice fishball,” he points to a round vase that's placed over the coffee table. “I remember a pet shop at the mall where they sell these bright golden fish...” Mikey makes gestures with his hands and points at Gerard to emphasize what he's saying. “And you already have Frank's number, so you can call him and tell him that you want something casual”.

Gerard swallows, “Mikey, it's not that simple, I'm just...” He huffs, “I'm not ready for that yet”.

“Why not Gerard?” Mikey cocks his head and looks deep into his brother's eyes. “You're always here alone, having some company would be good for you”. 

Gerard grimaces, “Yeah, but... I don't think it's a good idea. You know what happened last time,” he says shrugging. Mikey remembers very well Gerard's last relationship and how bad things ended up.

"I know," Mikey whines, "But that was way before you realize that you had to quit drinking, and you've been doing really well ever since”.

Gerard looks down at his breakfast and considers what his brother is saying for a moment, “I just don't feel ready to start caring about someone like that”. He sighs and looks back to his brother. “From what I know, right now I couldn't take care of a fucking egg with a face painted on it, you know, like the ones that they make the kids in high school babysit”. Gerard snorts and then stuffs his mouth with cereal again.

Mikey sighs, “Well, Gerard, if you don't try, you'll never know”. 

Mikey stands up and walks through the living room to Gerard's work table. Then he opens the big metal box where the latter keeps his pencils, brushes and other art supplies and takes a bunch of color markers out. Gerard's frowning, he has no idea what his brother is up to, but he keeps eating in silence, just following Mikey's movements with his eyes. Back at the kitchen, Mikey puts the markers on the counter and then walks to the fridge.

“What are you doing?” Gerard turns to him and finally asks. Mikey ignores the question, pulls the door open and grabs an egg. The younger brother sits back on the stool, but this time he sits facing Gerad. He's holding the egg in his left hand and takes it very close to his face, covering the sides with his fingers so Gerard can't see what he is about to do.

“Just a little experiment”, Mikey finally answers. Gerard can only roll his eyes at that. Then he sees Mikey taking a black marker with his right hand and pulling the cap out with his teeth.

First, Mikey marks a little nose in the center of the egg with a fine curved line, then draws big round eyes, with a black circle in the middle and a semicircular line around it. Those are the irises and the pupils. He fills the irises with green and light brown lines. He is really focused in that task, but then he stops coloring. Mikey looks at the egg, taking his hand a little farther, unsatisfied with the results, so he looks up and stares at Gerard's eyes for a few seconds. The older brother stares back, but then he scowls and flips him off. Once that Mikey saw the precise shade of hazel in Gerard's eyes, he decides to add some yellow and light green spots on the pupils. Then he draws long, curly eyelashes and heart shaped lips with a light pink marker. For a final touch, he uses a purple one to draw a little bow on the top of the egg.

“Are you done with that?” Gerard asks evidently annoyed.

“Yes”, Mikey answers to his brother with a crooked grin since he's still holding the cap of the purple marker between his teeth. He takes it out of his mouth and then he puts the egg on the table over a napkin and turns it to face his brother. “So Gerard, this is Bonnie, your child”.

“What?" Gerard yells. “Are you serious Mikey?” He asks, his brow furrowed.

“Yeah,” the younger brother smirks. “Look, she's got your eyes”, he makes circles in the air with his finger pointing at the egg's eyes as if that explained it all.

Gerard presses one hand against his forehead and sighs heavily, “Where is this going Mikey?” he asks in a slightly worried tone.

“You're gonna take care of this egg like it's your child, if it survives a whole week it means that you're ready to be in a relationship and then you can call Frank,” Mikey explains his plan with an unsettling earnest tone.

“What?” Gerard asks, bewildered, in a high pitched voice. “Mikey, you can't turn this into some stupid school project,” his tone got a little harsh now.

“C'mon Gee,” Mikey, begs. “At least you can try,” he stares at his brother for a moment with a sad, yet hopeful puppy face. Gerard scowls and purses, he doesn't believe that what Mikey is suggesting is going to help with his disastrous love life at all.

Mikey stands up and walks behind Gerard again. He opens the door of one of the shelves, grabs an empty little tea box out and takes it to the counter. Gerard is still covering a side of his face with his hand and watches his brother's actions in silence. Mikey takes some paper towels, unfolds them and spreads them inside the box, then he puts the egg in it. “Here, I made her a bed”. The younger brother says while pulling the box in front of Gerard. “Mikey, please...” He pleads throwing his head back.

Mikey huffs and rolls his eyes, “Just go along with it, will you?”

Gerard sighs harshly. “Okay, I will,” he says unenthusiastically.

“Good,” the younger brother grins, then takes the empty bowls from the counter and puts them in the sink. Gerard has the tea box between his hands and is staring at it. Mikey gets close to his brother and pats his shoulder, “I'll see you next week”. Gerard nods and exhales letting out the breath was helding while starring at Bonnie. “Bye Mikes,” he says, yielding.

Gerard leaves the box on the counter and then walks to his worktable, he has to finish some drafts based on the suggestions that Ray made on his sketches, but he plans to do that on Sunday. Instead, he spends the rest of the Saturday working on his own current project, the storyboard for a comic that he has been pondering over his head for a while now. He gets so engrossed in that task, that he only stands from the chair every few hours to go to the bathroom or to bring some food and something to drink while he is drawing.

The next day, he finishes his work, not as late as he thought, though. It's only three fifteen and it's already done. He looks at the drafts for a few minutes analyzing the movement he got in the drawing thanks to the position of the lines and the vibrant effect he achieved as a result of the combination of colors and the way that the different shades merge with each other. He smiles, feeling really pleased with the results and decides to treat himself with some Chinese food and one of his favorite movies. By seven forty, he leaves the apartment and walks to his AA meeting.

The walk back home takes more than usual. He shuffles at a slow pace along the streets with his hands shoved in his jeans pockets and a wistful look, there's a hint of melancholy in his gaze. The night's cold, a north wind is blowing persistently and makes his hair flap. Gerard is used to the cold, though, so it doesn't really bothers him, he just zips his jacket up and keeps walking. He doesn't feel like going straight to his apartment tonight, so he sits on a bench in a small park.

While he's taking the pack of cigarettes and the lighter out of his jacket pocket, he notices that he has never sat here before, which he finds odd, considering that he always passes through this park on his way home.

“This is a nice place to sit”, he thinks, “Maybe I'll sit here more often”.

He takes a first drag, throws his head back and closes his eyes for a moment as the fumes go down his throat and fill his lungs. When he opens his eyes, he looks at the people walking by, they are couples mostly. He focuses his attention in the way that their fingers intertwine when they're holding hands and the way they synchronize their pace while they're walking with their arms warped around each other's waists.

There are nights when Gerard feels really lonely, this is one of them. On the daily basis, he tries not to think about the negative shit in his life and focus on the positive, because he knows that if doesn't and he let himself deject, his depressive tendencies are right behind his shoulder waiting for the opportunity to whisper self hatred statements in his ear and drag him down with them. But sometimes it's just inevitable for him to sink into a pit of sadness and longing.

Thirty minutes and a couple of cigarettes later, he stands up and starts to walk towards the apartment. He's opening the door when he hears his cell phone buzzing. He takes it out of his pocket and looks at the screen. It's a message from Mikey, “So, how's my niece doing?” He reads. Gerard snorts and throws his head back, wondering if all the little brothers in the world are that annoying or if it's just his and his bad luck. He decides to ignore the whole thing, and walks to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Gerard takes a mug filled with the hot, dark liquid to the counter and sees the tea box placed in the same spot where he left it the day before. “I forgot about this stupid egg,” he thinks while he's poking the egg with one finger. Then he puts the cell phone on the table and stares at the message that his brother just sent him, before he presses a button and goes to his list of contacts to find Frank's number. He stares at the digits for a minute, then he props his elbows on the counter and lets his head rest on his hands. His eyes shift from the box to the cell phone and vice versa a few times.

“Maybe I should call him”. He bites the side of his bottom lip and reaches for the phone, his finger is about to press the call button, but he turns the device off instead. Then Gerard takes the box in his hands and sighs. “Okay, so... Mikey's right, at least I can try,” he inhales deeply, “I can do this”. He nods and repeats that statement in his head to assure himself that he can do whatever that taking care of an egg implies. Mikey didn't give him exact instructions and he has no idea of how to take care of an egg child, but he can rely on his common sense. “It's just a matter of keeping the egg's integrity for a week,” he thinks.

He stares at the box for a minute and decides to change the towels. “It's like changing her diapers, right?” He unfolds some paper napkins and spreads them inside the box, just like his brother did, then puts the egg back in and covers it with the sticking pieces of paper. Then, when he finishes his coffee, he walks to his room and places the box on the nightstand. He goes to the bathroom, changes his clothes and after some reading, he lays down on his bed and turns the lights off.

Gerard thinks that saying _goodnight_ aloud would be ridiculous, so he just says it in his thoughts.


	4. I wanted to see you again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Gerard opens the door, he expects to see Jun, the delivery guy, bringing him food. But when he looks up, he sees somebody else standing there.

It's Monday night and it's been two weeks since Gerard met Frank at that gig; two weeks since they hooked up, had amazing sex and he got his number, but although Bonnie the egg is still intact, Gerard hasn't called Frank.

Last Saturday, Mikey came to visit and gave him a hard time when he told him that he wasn't calling the _hot_ —there was no other word in his mind to describe him— stranger.

“He wouldn't be a stranger if you'd give yourself the chance to get to know him,” Mikey spoke severely. Gerard considered what his brother said for a moment, but he was still reluctant. “Gerard, you can't spend the rest of your life alone because you're too afraid to get close to someone,” Mikey's words got harsher after that, he even called him a coward. He didn't want to be mean to his older brother, but he was worried about him, and the truth was that sometimes Gerad really needed a dose of tough love to make him react.

Right now, Gerard's sitting in the living room. He came from work about half an hour ago and he's watching an old movie while he's waiting for the delivery guy to bring his dinner, he ordered Chinese again. The TV is loud and he can hear some girl screaming frantically as the tempo of the background music speeds up, creating an atmosphere of thrill and anticipation. This seems to be the most riveting scene of the film, nevertheless, Gerard's attention is far from the screen.

He's staring at the tea box placed over the coffee table. He can see the colored egg beneath the paper sheets. He thinks that it must be rotten by now, but he doesn't want to throw it away just yet. For some strange reason, he got attached to it. Lately he's been carrying the egg with him everywhere, he even brought it to work the first week. Gerard found an oval metallic container where you can put a boiled egg into a lunch box, at some kitchen supplies store. So he put it in the container and tucked it into one of the side bags of his bag pack, but then Ray saw it, found what was that about and made fun of him. He stopped bringing Bonnie to work because of that, he didn't want to be known in the art design department as the creepy dude with an egg for a child.

Even though, somehow Bonnie had grown on Gerard and he had made a pretty good job taking care of her, but despite of what Mikey said, he keeps thinking that it doesn't mean anything, because caring for a fucking egg is one thing, but getting involved in a real relationship with an actual person, is completely different.

Gerard's gaze suddenly shifts from the tea box to the door when he hears the bell ringing. He turns the TV off, stands up and takes his wallet out of the his back pocket. He opens it and sees that he only has a one hundred dollar bill, then he opens the door.

“I don't have change so...” He looks up to face the delivery guy, but a gasp slips out of his mouth and his heart starts to race when he realizes that the man standing in front of him is not the unfriendly, middle aged guy that usually delivers his food, Jun, he believes that's his name. This is not Jun, it's...

“Frank!” he blurts out the name startled.

“Hi Gerard,” the shorter man greets him smiling.

“Hi,” Gerard is evidently surprised, his eyes are wide open and his lips slightly parted.

“You didn't call me,” Frank says, pouting a little.

Gerard blinks then looks down like he's ashamed, “No, I... Um...” “It's okay,” Frank smiles again, steps closer and kisses him softly on the cheek.

“Can I come in?” Frank doesn't wait for Gerard's answer and just like that he walks into the apartment. The taller man reacts after a second, “Yeah, sure,” he says nodding and closes the door.

Frank walks to the living and sits on the couch, Gerard follows him and sits next to him. He's still feeling pretty nervous, he didn't expect to see Frank anymore. He thought that it would be okay, since they barely knew each other and what they had was just a hookup, he never intended it to be anything more than that, but now that he's sitting next to him, he realizes what made him bring Frank to his apartment that night in the first place and how much he secretly longed to see him again. The attraction he feels towards him is incredibly strong.

“Were you expecting someone?” Frank asks cocking his head a little.

“Um... Just the delivery guy, I ordered some food”.

“Oh,” Frank nods. There's a moment of silence because, of course, Gerard doesn't know what to say, he just stays there quiet, gawping. Frank's eyes drift around the apartment until he looks back to Gerard.

“So, how you've been?” the younger man finally asks.

“Good, yeah... Very good,” Gerard nods, he doesn't know exactly why, but he feels dumb and awkward answering that.

“How about you?” he looks at Frank and tries to let a smile show on his face to help him hide his uneasiness.

“Um... Well...” Frank mutters and looks down for a moment like he's recalling something. “Actually... I've been thinking a lot about you lately,” he says sheepishly and slowly lifts his face up.

“Oh, really?”, the older man feels his heart skipping a beat, but he stares at Frank intently.

“Yeah,” Frank's voice sounds a little hoarse now, "I wanted to see you again". He gets closer and Gerard can smell a hint of smoke on his breath.

“Not only to see you, but...” he leans forward and Gerard gasps when he feels Frank's lips pressing against his own. He's kissing him gingerly. His lips are tender and just a little wet, but Gerard wants to feel more, so he opens his mouth slightly. He feels Frank smiling against his lips before he slides his tongue inside. They lean back on the couch, Frank wraps his arms around Gerard's neck and back, and the other man holds him tight by the waist. They stay like that for a couple of minutes until the abrupt ringing of the doorbell makes Frank break the kiss.

“Your food's here,” he says breathlessly resting his forehead faintly against Gerard's. The older man looks at him through his eyelashes, not exactly aware of what's going on. The doorbell rings again and that makes him wake up from his trance.

He gets up and walks quickly. When he opens the door, greets the delivery guy with a big smile, takes the bag with the food and pays for it. Jun was frowning at first, but then he leaves with a grin because he got a big tip. Gerard waves at him and closes the door, then takes the bag to the counter. When he walks back to the living, he sees Frank standing from the couch.

“I have to go now,” he says.

“So soon?” Gerard's expression shifts from excitement to disillusion.

“Yeah, I have an appointment in...” Frank looks at his watch, “about twenty minutes”.

“Oh,” Gerard exhales.

“Your apartment is on my way there, so I thought that before that, I could drop by and see how you were doing, you know, since you didn't call me,” Frank explains.

“Yeah,” Gerard looks at his feet nervously. “I wanted to call you, I really did,” he tries to justify himself. “It's just that, well..." He looks up, "I don't know how to put this...” He takes a hand to the back of his head and scratches, “I'm looking for something casual”. Gerard scowls, now that he said that aloud it sounded stupid, but fuck it, he already said it. “And I didn't know how you would feel about that”.

Frank nods, quirks his lips and considers what Gerard said for a minute. “That's fine,” he replies, easily.

Really?” Gerard's eyes widen.

“Yeah, sure, I mean...” he walks closer to Gerard, “As far as I know, this is getting as casual as it can get,” Frank grins warmly.

“Okay,” Gerard smiles back and they stare at each other for a moment. Suddenly Frank remembers that he was about to leave and looks at his watch again.

“So, I have to go now,” he starts walking hurriedly towards the door. “But I can come back on Wednesday after work and maybe we can watch a movie. I saw that you have a pretty good selection over there”. He stops walking and turns back to point at the DVD shelf. “We can have some pizza with it, what do you say?” He looks intently at Gerard.

The older man nods and smiles shyly, “Yeah, that would be nice”. Then walks ahead and opens the door.

Frank stands at the threshold and their eyes lock for a moment before he leans forward to kiss Gerard on the lips, “See you then.”

“Yeah, bye Frank,” Gerard looks at him walking away and stares at the hall with an involuntary blissful smile until there's no more of Frank left to see.


	5. The fall of Bonnie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spend some time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer because it contains a nice amount of sex. I hope you enjoy it.

The bright light of the sunset passes through the branches of the trees creating a path of shadows and golden beams along the sidewalk. The autumn breeze makes the fallen leaves soar from the ground and dance in the air for an instant. The temperature is getting colder, Gerard can feel the cold wind whipping his hair and brushing his cheeks, but he doesn't care because he's sheltered by the warmth irradiating from Frank's body while they're strolling across the park.

They've seen each other six times during the past two weeks and Gerard has learned a lot about Frank in this period of time. It turns out that Frank likes the exact same movies, bands and comics than Gerard, which is as weird as it is awesome, because they've spent hours watching zombie movies, discussing the possibility of alternative plots for their favorite comics and exchanging reviews on the new albums they've listened to lately, before they go to bed. It's like if they were teenagers having sleepovers, only that this is better, because they're allowed to do things in bed that teenagers are certainly not.

Frank's a vegetarian, Gerard found out that the very first time they ordered food. Frank called this pizzeria he had never heard of and ordered a pizza with just veggies, half soy cheese, half regular cheese. It had dried tomatoes, mushrooms, black olives and red onion; a nice combination of colors and it tasted just as good as it looked.

The man is a musician, he used to play guitar in a band. He still plays at gigs occasionally, but now he spends most of his time selling and fixing guitars because he's the co-owner of a guitar shop. He invested his savings from his crappy past jobs and most of the money he earned with the band in establishing a partnership with two of his friends and opened the shop about two years ago.

Gerard met his roommate Bob, a tall, blond, bearded guy, last Fryday when they went to Frank's apartment to collect some CDs that they wanted to listen to. Bob's a musician as well, but he works teaching little kids and teenagers to play drums. “He's cool and all,” Frank explains, but “I'm kinda tired of cleaning after him”. Frank's kind of obsessed with cleaning, Gerard found that annoying at first, but then Frank restrained his compulsive cleaning behavior at Gerard's because he seemed to understand the fact that he and his apartment, are lost causes.

“I went to a catholic school”, Frank says as they walk into the building where Gerard lives. “It was okay,” he quirks his lips and shrugs. “I just hated using those damn uniforms every day and the fact that they made us pray about everything”. His relationship with God isn't through praying, he has other ways to establish contact. Gerard stared at Frank for a moment when he explained that, he had no idea that he was a kind of a spiritual man.

“So, do you have any brothers or sisters?” Gerard asks while they're walking up the stairs.

“No," Frank shakes his head, “It's just me... Although it was more than enough for my mom to handle,” he smirks playfully. “She always tells me that she has no idea how she'd would manage having more than one like me in the house,” he giggles and Gerard looks at him with a smile. “I was a pretty active kid, you know,” He says air quoting the “active” part. “How about you? Were you a menace when you were a kid too?” Frank looks at Gerard intently as they stand in front of the apartment's door.

“No, not all,” Gerard chuckles and takes the key ring out of his pocket.

“Actually, I was kinda shy and quiet and...” he inserts the key and opens the door. “Now that I think about it... I was almost like a little adult, if that makes sense,” Gerard shrugs as they both come in.

“Yeah, it does,” Frank can picture Gerard as a little kid sitting on the grass at a park, with his legs crossed, hunched over his sketchbook, drawing in silence with a slight crooked smile on his face for he's pleased with himself and unaware that there are other kids running around him.

“Well, I guess that you're lucky that we didn't meet before,” Frank says smirking mischievously.

“Why?” Gerard arches and eyebrow and walks to the kitchen.

“Because,” Frank follows him and sits on a stool, “If I had would see you in the playground, I wouldn't resist messing with a quiet, pretty boy like you,” he grins and winks at Gerard.

The other man smiles back and takes a pot, “I'm making some coffee”.

“Okay,” Frank looks around absently while Gerard is filling the pot with water, then he turns back and sees a tea box over the counter.

“Or we can have tea this...” Frank grabs the box and stops talking when he opens it and realizes that it doesn't contain any tea bags.

“What's this?” Frank asks, showing the box to Gerard. “Um... That's Bonnie,” he says while putting the pot over the stove.

“According to Mikey, she's my child,” Gerard snorts and turns on the flame.

“Well, you didn't tell me that you were a dad,” Frank jumps from the stool and gets close to Gerard then slides his hands around his waist. The other man turns around and smiles as he recognizes the mischievous look on Frank's eyes. “You know that I find loving dads very hot?” The younger man leans forward to kiss Gerard's cheek softly.

“You do?” Gerard asks, innocently.

“Yeah,” Frank exhales quietly before he starts to mark a trail of kisses down his jaw and neck. The taller man closes his eyes and gasps tilting his head back slowly. 

“Well, you can call me _daddy_ whenever you want,” he says in a throaty voice.

Frank chuckles, the sound of his laugh resonates bright and loud in Gerard's ears. “Oh, really?” Frank leans back and looks at him, arching an eyebrow and biting a side of his bottom lip. Gerard feels his cheeks flushing a little. “Well... I don't think that's right, because you know what?” Frank warps his left arm over Gerard's shoulder, pulling him closer againd and then starts to caress tenderly his chest with his right hand. The older man closes his eyes and his breathing gets deeper. Frank lifts on his tip toes and reaches for Gerard's left ear. “All day, I've been thinking about doing things to you that would be very wrong to do to my dad,” he whispers. Gerard laughs and steps back involuntarily.

“Okay then, let's put the whole daddy kink aside, but I still wanna hear about those things you've been thinking about,” he says grinning. 

Frank gets closer, grabs Gerard's hips and in a sudden move he makes their crotches crash. Gerard's already hardening in his pants, Frank feels so turned on because of that right now. He leans forward and kisses Gerard hungrily, sucking and nibbling his bottom lip, then he slides his right leg between the other man's thighs and starts to grind rhythmically. Gerard moans breathlessly between kisses, delighted by the friction and the movement of Frank lips against his own. Frank pulls back and whispers sultry in Gerard's ear, “Well, I think that it would be better if I show you,” then he steps to the side and grabs the waistband of his pants and leads him to the bedroom.

Frank pushes Gerard's shoulders slightly to make him sit on the edge of the bed, then he gets up and kneels down on the mattress. After taking his sneakers off, Frank grabs the other man's face with both hands and kisses him. Gerard responds to the kiss eagerly and runs his fingers through Frank's hair while taking his own shoes off. Then Gerard gets on his knees as well and starts tugging Frank's T shirt up. The younger man breaks the kiss to pull the piece of clothing off and does the same with Gerard's shirt. The black button up that the other man is wearing takes a little longer to be off and thrown to the floor.

Once that they're both shirtless, Frank starts unbuckling Gerard's belt and unzipping his pants. Gerard brings his hands to Frank's waist and does the same. Very slowly, he moves his lips from Frank's face to kiss his shoulders and chest whilst he pulls down his own pants and helps Frank to yank off his jeans. Frank throws his head back as he feels the touch of Gerard's lips on his chest and his hands gliding down his legs, but he wants to taste Gerard's mouth again, so he cups the other man's chin gently and tilts his face up, before he makes their lips crash once more.

Frank knows exactly how he wants Gerard tonight, so he leans forward, pressing his body against Gerard's to make him lay on his back. Now Frank is laying next to Gerard, one hand rubbing his chest, his face buried in the side of of the other man's neck, kissing and licking and sucking the pale skin momentarily dyed by a subtle blush. Their legs are entangled, and Gerard uses his right hand to caress Frank's back side going slowly from his lower back to his thigh. Frank throws his head back when he feels Gerard's hand gliding smoothly down his body, then he leans forward.

“Do you want me to touch you, Gee?” Gerard shivers as the hoarse voice of the other man resonates in his ear.

“Yes... please,” he replies breathlessly, craving for Frank's touch. The yonger man takes his hand from Gerard's chest and sticks it in his own mouth to collect a good amount of spit. Very slowly, he slides his hand inside Gerard's underwear. The older man gapes and throws his head back on the pillow as he feels Frank's fingers wet, smooth and firm sliding down his dick to his balls. A throaty moan slips out of his mouth when Frank wraps his whole length with the tight grip of his fist and starts to stroke slowly.

As the rhythm of his hand gets faster, Frank brings his head down Gerard's chest and start to suck and bite slightly the nipples. The delicious sensation of Frank's thumb rubbing his slit to spread the precum takes Gerard closer to the edge and makes him moan loud and desperately. Frank smiles at himself before those expressions of utter pleasure because he loves having Gerard in his hand, literally.

“Oh god,” Gerard moans breathlessly, “This is the best hand job I..." Gerard says in his head, but that last word slips out of his mouth and stretches for a few seconds in a loud cry of pleasure. As he comes, his body is trembling under Frank's touch.

Gerard is wrecked, sweating and panting harshly on the bed, but he wants to return the favor, so he takes a minute to recover. When his breathing is closer to normal, he grabs Frank jaw and looks deep into his eyes. “I want to blow you,” he says softly and grins. “And I want you to,” Frank answers, his voice is raspy and his dark pupils are still titillating with desire. Gerard gets up and kneels down on the bed, then he pushes Frank's shoulder to make him lay back.

Their eyes lock while he pulls the other man's briefs off, then Gerard leans down and kisses Frank very softly, their lips barely touch and Gerard tastes just a hint of Frank's flavor. Now he's ready to go down on him. First, he takes Frank's length in his fist and strokes it firmly, at the same time he slides his tongue around his balls and sucks them gently one by one. His tongue glides up along the shaft and Frank shivers and moans loudly. Gerard fists Frank's cock again and the motion of his hand goes faster, until he feels that the other man is at the edge of his orgasm.

That makes Gerard stop stroking, bring his lips to the head and draw circles with the tip of his tongue around the slit, before taking Frank's whole length into his mouth. Frank fists clench grabbing the sheets, his back arches and his toes curl as he feels Gerard's mouth, wet, warm and perfect around his dick. It doesn't take too much to Gerard to make Frank come after that, he passes his tongue around the head one last time and Frank's already trembling and gasping, tugging Gerard's hair hard. The older man shakes his hand lazily a few times up and down the other man's cock, until he sees the last spur of cum dripping over Frank's stomach.

Gerard lays over Frank's torso for a moment; his head sways gently with the soothing motion of Frank's chest going up and down as the rhythm of his breathing goes back to normal. Frank caresses Gerard's hair fondly until the older man turns around and reaches for the bedside table to take a box of tissues. He wipes off the traces of cum smeared on their bodies and he's about to lay down again when the sound of boiling water makes him jump out of the bed. “I forgot about the pot,” he says while he's pulling his underwear up carelessly and then he runs to the kitchen.

Frank's so exhausted right now that he can't even keep his eyes open, so he lies in a fetal position, clasping the pillow with both hands and lets himself sink in an overcoming wave of post orgasmic bliss.

“I brought you coffee,” Gerard's low voice wakes him up a few minutes later. Frank smiles faintly and sits up with his back resting against the headboard. They stay in bed drinking coffee and talking until they fall asleep.

**************

Gerard wakes up by the sound of a car alarm. He can see a reddish light behind his eyelids, so he knows that the room is already bathed by the sunlight, but he takes a moment to open his eyes fully. When he finally does, he doesn't see Frank lying next to him. He frowns and gets up from the bed rubbing his eyes. He puts some pajama pants on and grabs and old T shirt from his desk chair. Once he's dressed, he walks out of the bedroom.

Frank's by the sink in the kitchen, he looks too fresh and awake for a person that just went out of the bed and Gerard founds that a little annoying. “Oh, hi Gerard!” Frank greets him warmly while he's filling a pot with water.

“Hi,” Gerard's answer sounds more like an exhale than a word. He's still very sleepy, so he shuffles into the kitchen and let himself fall heavily on a stool. Frank leaves the pot on the stove, then walks to him and kisses him fondly on the cheek.

“I'm making coffee,” he says chirpy.

“Okay,” Gerard yawns and leans his body back, resting his elbows on the edge of the counter, he closes his eyes for an instant, but then the smell of fresh bread makes him wake up and turn around. There's a paper bag on the table. He grabs it and when he opens it, he sees some bagels inside, they are still warm.

“I went to the bakery,” Frank says grinning.

“Good,” Gerard stands up and walks to the refrigerator. “I'll get the...” he pulls the door open mindlessly, but the space is so tiny, he moved his elbow so fast and the tea box was so close to the edge, that Gerard couldn't do anything to help the egg from falling to the ground. Gerard gasps, covers his mouth with one hand and his eyes widen when he sees the egg splattered all over the kitchen floor. “Bonnie is broken!” Gerard's voice sounds cracked. He leans down and huffs when he sees clear drops falling over the remains of the egg. Gerard doesn't know when or why the fuck he started to cry.

Frank steps closer, stands behind him and grabs him by the shoulders. Gerard elbows him involuntarily, then steps aside wiping the tears from his eyes. Frank frowns, he's really disconcerted about the other man's reaction.

“Gerard what's wrong?” he asks expectantly.

“Nothing, it's just that...” Gerard stares at the floor and rubs his nose with his hand, he's feeling definitely embarrassed right now. Frank steps closer and cups his jaw gently.

“Gerard, it's okay, tell me what's wrong?” The older man looks up and feels a little confident before Frank's empathetic attitude.

“Bonnie...” he sighs, “Well, Mikey had this idea...” Gerard tells Frank the whole story.

“And now I'm crying over a fucking egg! You must think that I'm crazy and I wouldn't blame you for that,” Gerard smirks sarcastically. The truth was that he wasn't so affected because the egg was broken; it wasn't Bonnie really, it was what Bonnie represented and Frank seemed to understand that.

“I don't think that you're crazy Gerard,” he grins warmly. “I think that you are an incredibly caring man, and I...” love, was the next word that Frank wanted to say, but he didn't say it. “I found that really adorable,” he kisses Gerard softly on the lips. “Now lets clean this up, it smells very bad,” Frank grimaces at the smelly puddle on the floor.

“It does,” Gerard nods, pouting a little. “Bonnie was really rotten”.


	6. Cooking lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard overcomes one of his biggest fears and Frank realizes something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I included Frank's pov in this chapter.

According to Gerard's schedule, Sunday's evenings are dedicated to finish the drafts he has to show to his boss on Mondays first thing in the morning, they're also to attend to his AA meetings. He managed to move the meetings to the Monday nights, when Frank is busy with some appointments he has to attend to, so he knows that he won't come over or ask him out. But he's unable to change the fact that once again it's past eight p.m. on a Sunday, and he still has a considerable amount of work to finish.

He knows that this situation is originated mostly because of his procrastination tendencies, that sometimes seem more like a lifestyle, but it's also because of Frank, given that they've been spending a lot of time together and he has had to change his daily routine. Even though, the time they've spent together lately has been mostly in bed, so Gerard doesn't complain.

He's been seeing Frank regularly for two months now and he feels very comfortable with what they have. This casual arrangement seems to work pretty well for them both. They get to enjoy each other's company and all its benefits with no strings attached and no feelings involved. Gerard thinks that this is the best _not-relationship_ he has ever had, and he's pretty sure that Frank thinks the same, although they haven't talked about it.

Right now he's sitting in the living working on the inking part. Gerard usually enjoys coloring, sometimes it can get a little tedious, but tonight he's specially engrossed in this task because he's trying to combine an unexpected variety of colors. He doesn't know exactly why, but lately color has emerged from his creations. His old drawings used to be monochromatic, always utilizing the same palette. Black backgrounds, white and different shades of gray for the light and shadows, some sepia, dark brown and beige to resemble a vintage look and touches of crimson and scarlet to add that dramatic blood-like effect that he used to look for every time.

But now, bright colors like yellow, orange, cyan and even magenta —that's right, magenta— had started to take over his pieces and he's really liking the possibilities of being able to work with such a wide spectrum. On the other hand, his boss seems to be very pleased with the change, so they both win.

Ray teased him at work and told him that his _color phase_ has begun because he's _totally_ in love. “I'm not in love,” Gerard was frowning behind his desk when Ray mention that. “This is definitely _not love_ ,” he said earnestly, emphasizing the not love part and of course, blushing a little. “So, it's because of the joy of getting laid often?” Ray retorted smirking, but Gerard is pretty sure that the stapler he threw at him before the mutherfucker ran out of his cubicle, did reach his head, although the puffy frame of his hair can easily serve as a protective shield. “Damn fro,” Gerard purses and narrows his eyes as he remembers that.

He can't explain precisely why now he's getting away from black and embracing color, all he knows is that he doesn't feel like he's in that dark place where he used to be before... “Okay, I'm gonna admit it,” Gerard fights his own thoughts and sighs harshly, “before Frank”.

The living is dark, the only light in the room comes from the little work lamp placed in front of him, but then the sudden shining of a lightning illuminates the whole place. Gerard looks up and sees through the window the gray sky filled with thick, dark clouds about to burst. “I hope that Frank arrives before the storm begins,” he thinks, then the ring of the bell makes him stand up from the little stool he's sitting on and walks to the door.

“I just can't help it,” Frank thinks while he's leaning forward to kiss Gerard's cheek, “Every time that he opens the door and I get to see his dorky smile and his lovely hazel eyes, I get this weird feeling and an idiotic grin spreads all over my face...” he sighs, “I can't help it”. Gerard steps back and smiles at him, “Come in”. The older man closes the door and they both walk to the living.

Gerard opens wide eyes when he realizes the mess he has over the couch and the coffee table, so he walks ahead to pick up his backpack, his jacket, some comics and other things while the other man looks at him intently. “I just can't,” Frank repeats in his mind. “I still have some work to do, but...” Gerard looks up and catches Frank staring at him. “What?” the older man cocks his head and asks expectantly. “Nothing,” Frank shakes his head and quirks his lip with a rather innocent expression. Gerard frowns, “Let me take this to my room,” he says, lifting the pile of stuff he's carrying in his arms.

“Sure,” Frank nods, takes his jacket off and puts it on a couch, then he walks to the dim light at the corner of the room and looks at the colorful drawings displayed over the work table. He stares for a moment, his head tilted to the side, and then he slides his fingers smoothly over the surface of the paper. Gerard comes out of the bedroom and walks hurriedly towards the kitchen, Frank jumps and looks back when he feels the other man moving behind him. “I was saying that I still have some work to do, but you can order something. I'm sure that when it arrives, I'll be ready and we can have dinner together”. Gerard takes some menus out of a drawer and puts them on the counter. Frank walks there and flicks through them.

After checking the variety of options that the international cuisine has to offer, he tosses the stack of paper over the counter. “I don't want take out tonight”. “You don't?” Gerard blinks, “Um, then you can order a pizza from that place, you know the one that...” Frank shakes his head and grimaces, “Nah,” he says unenthusiastically. Gerard scratches his head, he's running out of options, “Okay, then we can go out, but you'll have to wait until...” “I don't want that either,” Frank interrupts him. “No?” Gerard frowns, “So tell me, what do you want?” he looks at him expectantly.

“Well..." Frank averts his gaze and thinks about it for a moment. "Every once in a while I crave for a home made meal, you know?” He says finally. “Oh...” Gerard breathes out. “Why don't we cook something,” Frank suggests cheerfully. “Cooking something?” Gerard feels a little concerned now. “Yeah, I haven't cooked in ages”. “It sounds nice, but... I told you, I still have work to do,” Gerard tries to make a point by bringing that up again.

Frank walks behind the counter, closer to Gerard and takes his hand. “But you can take a break,” he lifts their hands up until their elbows are bent up and then he laces their fingers together. “I mean, you have to eat right?” he looks deep into the other man's eyes for a moment. “Actually, I'm very hungry but...” Gerard says still not convinced. “C'mon, it'll be fun if we do it together,” Frank insists. “Um...” Gerard looks down and Frank frowns at him. “What, Gerard? You can't cook or you just don't want to?” he inquires.

The truth is that, apart from frying an egg and some bacon, Gerard can't cook shit. “I can't cook,” he admits shaking his head. “Actually,” he cringes knowing that what he's about to say will sound ridiculous, “Cooking is one of my biggest fears”. “Cooking is one of your biggest fears?” Frank lifts his eyebrows and bites his lip, trying to hold a giggle. “Yeah,” Gerard recites his list of fears. “Being in a relationship,” - he doesn't say that one aloud -, “Cooking and needles,” he says and counts with his fingers. Frank cups his jaw and smiles warmly at him.

Gerard needs to justify what he just said, so he tells Frank about the several fiascos he has caused in both, his own and other people's kitchens trying to cook. He also shows him the marks in his hands and arms caused by the cuts, burns and blisters he has suffered in the attempt. “It wasn't pretty, not pretty at all,” Gerard shakes his head, pouting. The other man's grin gets even wider. “God, he's so fucking adorable,” Frank thinks and bites his lip. “Okay...” he nods, “Maybe I can help you to overcome one of your biggest fears tonight”. He steps closer and caresses Gerard's cheek fondly, but the other man still looks a little worried.

“Let me see what you have,” Frank walks to the fridge and pulls the door open. There are some cans of soda, milk, cheese, yogurt, bacon, eggs, ketchup, and other things that are just as useless to cook a decent meal. He sees a round plastic container on one of the shelves, so he takes it out and lifts the lid slightly. It has a mix of spaghetti and meatballs that doesn't smell quite fresh. “Dairy, meat, and leftovers...” Frank purses as he puts the container back inside and closes the door.

“C'mon,” he steps back and grabs Gerard's arm, “We have some shopping to do”. “Shopping?” Gerard frowns, “But it's about to rain,” “I know,” Frank leads him to the entrance and takes an umbrella out of a hook in the wall, “So we have to hurry”. When they walk out of the building it's already raining and the temperature is a few degrees lower, luckily they don't have to go far, they just cross the street and walk two blocks over the incipient puddles until they get to the grocery store.

While Gerard closes the umbrella at the entrance, Frank's already moving quickly through the aisles with a basket in his hand. He grabs a box of rice, two little dark bottles and a small bag, then he walks to the vegetable section and picks some carrots, yellow and red bell peppers, mushrooms and zucchini. They're standing in the line to pay when Frank remembers something, “Garlic! I forgot the garlic,” he mutters to himself and rolls his eyes, then he hands the basket to Gerard. The older man looks back to see him running through the store again. When they walk out, the storm is already over them, the thick clouds are unloading their content furiously on the streets and it got really cold, so the two men clamp beneath the umbrella and run quickly under the sound of thunders.

Once they're back at the apartment, Gerard gives Frank some clothes to wear. Their jeans are soaked from the hem up and their jackets got wet too with the rain dripping from the edge of the umbrella. Gerard knows that Frank has a fragile immune system and he doesn't want him to get sick. Frank grabs the sweatpants and the hoodie that the other man offers him, “Thanks,” he says quietly before he takes his shoes off. Gerard looks away while Frank gets undressed and then walks to the closet to find something to wear himself. When he turns back, Frank's already out of the room.

A few minutes later, a strong smell of garlic is starting to overflow the apartment. Gerard walks to the kitchen and sees Frank by the stove with a spatula in one hand, the handle of a pan in the other and a big smile on his face. “Okay,” he says, “I'm making the rice because it can be a little tricky, but you're making the stir fried veggies”. “Stir fried veggies?” Gerard lifts his eyebrows and asks dubious. “Yes,” Frank nods, “It's a very easy recipe, a very simple process and you'll be doing great,” Frank tries to assure him. Gerard sighs but doesn't back down, he wants to get over his stupid fear of cooking already.

“Okay,” he breathes out, “What do I do first?”. Frank looks at him grinning, “First you have to cut the veggies. Um... do you have a cheese grater?” “A cheese grater?” Gerard thinks for a moment. Even when he doesn't really cook, he got a big box of kitchen supplies from his grandma when he first moved to the apartment. “Yeah, I think I have one,” he walks behind Frank and rummages in one of the cabinets until he finds the item. “Here!” He says showing it to Frank. “Good, now take the carrots and the zucchini and grate them”. “Right,” Gerard takes a bowl, puts the grater inside, then he does what he was told. After a few minutes he tosses the remaining tops of the vegetables in the trash can, then shows the bowl to Frank. “Done,” he says proud of having completed his first task.

“Okay, now cut the mushrooms and the peppers”. Gerard slices the mushrooms vertically avoiding his fingers to meet the blade of the knife, then he cups a pepper in his hand and stares at it, he's not sure how to cut it. “You have to cut the top off first,” Frank recommends, “Then scrape the seeds out with the knife and cut thin stripes”. Gerard follows minutely the instructions and cuts all the peppers. “Very good, now bring them over here,” Gerard carries the bowl with the vegetables and Frank puts a second pan on the stove. “Pour some oil on it,” he asks. Gerard grabs the bottle of oil and lets the liquid drip and spread over the hot surface.

“Now the veggies, the mushrooms first,” Gerard scatters the slices while Frank takes a second spatula out of a drawer. “Stir,” he commands. “Now add the peppers and keep stirring”. Gerard does exactly what he's told. He's quiet, moving the spatula with his hand, completely engrossed in the cooking process. Frank is standing next to him with a subtle smile on his face, looking at the man not at the pan.

A few minutes later, Frank indicates him to add the carrots and the zucchini. “Now lets season this,” he takes the bottles he bought at the store from the counter. “First, some soy sauce,” Gerard grabs the bottle and lifts the cap up, then pours some of the salty, dark liquid over the mix. “Some curry,” Frank hands him a little transparent bag filled with a strong scented orange powder. “Not too much,” the younger man advises, “Just enough to spice things up,” he says, grinning and winks at Gerard, the other man nods and smiles back.

“Now Gee, I'm sharing a culinary secret with you,” Frank says earnestly and Gerard arches and eyebrow, “A secret,” he asks curiously. “Yes,” the other man answers, “This is something that only few people know, but I always add some rice vinegar to obtain a nice sour taste”. “Oh," Gerard looks surprised.  "So, pass me the vinegar," he grins. The clear liquid starts to boil as soon as it reaches the bottom of the pan. When it evaporates, the meal is done. Frank takes a spoon and fills it with the mix of veggies, then he blows it. “Now taste it,” he says, handing the spoon to the other man. “It's good... Really good, actually” Gerard says at the same time that he's chewing, he seems very surprised.

After swallowing, he stares at the wall for a moment with a frown and his lips parted. “Frank,” he says quietly with an astonished look, like if he just had an epiphany, “I just cooked something," he says, still looking amazed, "And it was easy!” His eyes widen and a smile spreads instantly over his face. It is wide and bright and authentic, almost childish. “Yeah," Frank nods "Really easy and look,” he points to the stove, “You didn't burn anything and you have no injuries...” he takes Gerard's hands and holds them up in demonstration. "You should be proud of yourself,” he adds grinning. “I am,” Gerard states gleefully, then he steps closer, wraps one arm around Frank's waist and holds him tight against his body, then he cups his chin with his free hand, “Thanks,” he says in a low voice before he kisses Frank.

Gerard's lips are soft and warm and sweet, and all that Frank wants right now. He shivers when Gerard's hands slide beneath his hoodie and starts rubbing his back, his hands feel warm and smooth against his skin. Frank's pulse increases inmediately, his breathing gets deeper and that feeling at the pit of his stomach that started to spread over since he arrived to the apartment, is definitely more intense now.

Frank throws his head back in order to catch some air and Gerard takes the opportunity to nibble and lick his jaw and neck. “Gerard...” a deep, breathless moan slips out of Frank's mouth, but Gerard crashes their lips together in a kiss again and now Frank can't emit another word, he can't move, he can't even think, right now he's just barely breathing. All he can do  is feeling, feeling Gerard on every part of his body.

Frank gasps quietly when Gerard breaks the kiss all of the sudden. They stand still for a moment, catching their breaths, their foreheads pressed together and their arms warped around each other's bodies. “I have to call someone,” Gerard finally says. “Okay,” Frank answers faintly and licks his lips. He sees Gerard walking by the counter and taking his cell phone out.

“Mikey!” Gerard yells enthusiastically his brother's name. “Guess what? I just cooked something,” he says without a pause for an answer. “Oh god!” Frank rolls his eyes and chuckles. “No Mikey, I don't want you to call the firemen,” Gerard says condescending and looks back at Frank narrowing his eyes and pursing. The younger man laughs. “So, Frank taught me how to cook this recipe and I...” Frank stares at Gerard while he's talking and laughing and gesturing all excited as if Mikey could see him through the phone. “I don't' know what is it, but I just can't help it,” Frank says to himself again.

“Okay Mikes, take care,” Gerard finishes his conversation and looks back suddenly, he arches an eyebrow when he notices that the other man's been staring. Frank winces and averts his gaze, then he walks to the shelf and grabs some plates. “Let's eat,” he says cheerfully and takes the plates to the counter.

Maybe Frank isn't ready to admit it, not even to himself, but he's falling fast for Gerard.


	7. This is Gerard, my boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going pretty well between them until they're not.

When Gerard leaves the apartment, it's cold outside, yes, but not as cold as the days before. It seems that the freezing weather is finally giving them a truce. There's still some snow on the streets and the occasional gusts of wind that make his hair and the loose fabric of his coat flap, but the blizzards from the weeks before seem pretty far away now, and that allows Gerard to actually enjoy his night walk along the city streets.

He's feeling very good tonight because earlier that morning, his boss assigned him and his work team a big new project and for the first time, Gerard is in charge. The offer was totally unexpected and he felt a little dubious at first, but then he accepted in a rush of confidence, knowing that they would do a great job. Back at his cubicle, Gerard was already making notes with every idea that came to his mind in a sudden explosion of creativity, but he stopped writing abruptly and looked up gaping and frowning when he realized something.

“Maybe this is an occasion to celebrate,” he thought and smiled to himself. Then he stood up and went to the secretary's desk. He flicked through the restaurants section of the yellow pages and made a reservation. When he gave Frank the address of the restaurant, the younger man sounded incredulous at the other side of the line. “Gerard,” he said earnestly, “That's a fancy place,” he stated as if Gerard wasn't aware of that already. “I know, so... I'll see you there?” Frank chuckled, “Sure, I'll be there”.

Gerard checks the time on his cell phone and speeds up his pace because is eight o'clock already and he still has to walk another couple of blocks. He'd come sooner if it wasn't because he changed his shirt three times and stood in front of his closet way longer than necessary deciding what jacket to wear, but he wanted to look sharp and that, as you know, takes time. The moment he walks around the corner, he can see Frank already standing in front of the restaurant.

He looks hot as always, but Gerard can see a glint in his eyes, something that he hadn't noticed before. He gets closer, grinning and Frank greets him with a kiss on the cheek, then they both walk inside. The place is very nice and it has this special atmosphere created by the dim light of the little lamps placed in the middle of each table, the melody of a piano playing in the background and the different aromas mixing together in the air.

While they wait for their food to be served, the two men are sitting across from each other holding hands over the table and Gerard has a crooked smile on his face because he realizes how cheesy this scene must look, but he doesn't want to change it a bit. They keep holding hands when they walk out of the restaurant and on their way to Gerard's apartment, until the older man can't find his pack of cigarettes in his left pocket so he drops Frank's hand to look for it on the other side.

They stop walking for a moment while Gerard fumbles in the pockets of each piece of clothing he's wearing and then he huffs harshly thinking that maybe he left the pack on the nightstand. “Frank?” a female voice calls the other man's name behind them. When Gerard looks back, he sees a couple approaching to them. The woman has a big smile and she looks very excited about running into Frank. She's cute, has short black hair and pale skin. The man, tall and bearded, is holding her by the waist, but then he releases the hold and the woman walks ahead.

She wraps an arm around Frank's neck and kisses him on the cheek. “I haven't seen in _so long_ ,” she says, stretching the last part of the sentence to emphasize how long it's been since they saw each other. Then she takes her arm back and cups Frank's face with both of her hands for a moment, looking deep into the man's eyes. “Well, I'm happy to see that you didn't die or are in a comma or...”

“Jamia, please,” Frank interrupts, rolling his eyes, “It wasn't that long and I was going to call last week, I swear.” “Yeah, but you didn't,” she shakes her head and arches an eyebrow, then her expression shifts and she's grinning again. The tall man steps forward, reaching his hand to shake Frank's. “Hey Frank, is nice to see you again,” he says amicably. While the two of them shake hands and exchange pats on the shoulder, the woman notices Gerard's presence in front of her, so she looks at him curiously with a slight smirk.

“So, who's this?” She asks intrigued. “Oh, sorry,” Frank steps back and puts his hand on the small of Gerard's back, “This is Gerard...” he smiles and steps forward when he hears his name being pronounced, but the next thing that Frank says makes his smile disappear instantly from his face, “my boyfriend”. “Oh,” Jamia cocks his head and turns to look at Frank with an arched eyebrow and smirking in a suggestive kind of way, like if she just caught him hiding this attractive man from her.

Frank smiles shyly and continues the introductions turning to Gerard this time. “This is Jamia, we've been friends since high school”. The woman grabs Gerard's hand softly and grins, “It's very nice to meet you Gerard”. “Yeah, you too,” Gerard nods and makes and effort to force a smile. “And this is Jim, her husband,” Gerard shakes the man's hand absently and then he steps back shoving his hands in his pockets. He stands there uncomfortably because he started to feel a little queasy. The worst part is that he knows that it is not caused by the food they just had.

After the introductions, Frank and the couple engage in a conversation. Gerard doesn't participate, he stays behind them absent-minded and just catches random pieces of the chat that doesn't make much sense for him. Something about Jamia's new job, something about Jim and model building, something about their twins and preschool stuff.

“Gerard,” Frank's voice takes him out of his thoughts abruptly. “Huh?” he says, lifting his brow, it seems that Frank just asked him something, but he doesn't remember hearing the question. “You used to build airplane models right?” Frank looks intently at him. “I... Um... No, I never...” Gerard stutters and shakes his head nervously. Frank frowns as he sees the other man's strange reaction. “Must be someone else then,” he nods and smiles at Jim. “Well, we have to go now, but you call me, okay? Jamia says earnestly to Frank, “We have so much to catch up with,” she adds while she's leaning to hug him goodbye.

The walk back to the apartment is quiet, awkwardly quiet in Frank's opinion. Along the first blocks, he talks animatedly about his friendship with Jamia, about how she first met Jim on a school trip to a botanical garden and then she met him again, a few years later, in a farmers market. “No one ever expected that she would marry a botanist,” he says, grinning but Gerard hasn't said a word and it seems that he hasn't even been listening.

Frank frowns, but continues talking anyway. He tells Gerard about the twins' predilection for punk rock music and Tim Burton's movies. “Those girls are pretty cool, you know,” he says, smiling and expecting to see Gerard react, but the other man just hums quietly, without taking his gaze from the sidewalk. After that, Frank gives up on talking and keeps walking silently.

When Gerard opens the apartment's door, Frank takes out his coat and walks to the kitchen, “I'm making some coffee” he says in a low voice. Gerard is already sitting on the couch looking for the remote control. “Okay,” he nods and then fixes his gaze on the screen of the TV. Frank stays by the stove while the water boils looking intently at Gerard. He's concerned, he doesn't know what the fuck is going on, but he's decided to find it out.

Once the coffee is ready, Frank fills two mugs with the hot, dark liquid and takes them to the living. “Thanks,” Gerard grabs his mug and puts it immediately on the coffee table without even tasting it content. Frank takes a sip and sighs deeply, then he places his mug next to Gerard's leaning over the coffee table. After that, Frank sits back on the couch, but now he turns his body and stares at Gerard with a serious expression. The other man notices that, but he looks back at him just for a few seconds before his eyes return disinterestedly to the TV. Frank can't take it anymore.

“Gerard, what is it?” He asks severely. “What?” Gerard's tone sounds defensive already. “You've been acting weird since we left the restaurant,” Frank states “So, what is it?” he asks again hoping that he'll get an answer this time. “Nothing,” Gerard shakes his head and quirks his lips. “It's just that...” He stops talking, he doesn't know how to continue or even if he wants to. Frank frowns, he knows that Gerard can be a little aloof, mostly when his attention is focused on something he's very interested in, but he's never acted like an asshole before, so there has to be something wrong.

“Gerard, I know that something's wrong, so please, tell me what is it?" Frank says adamantly stressing every word of his question. Gerard throws his head back and then runs his fingers through his hair. He's annoyed, he doesn't want to have this conversation, but if Gerard has learned something in his AA sessions is that swallowing his words and thoughts has never been a good idea, especially because he used to deploy alcohol to make them slip down his throat, so he decides to speak out his mind.

“Frank,” Gerard looks at the other man, but he can't take his severe expression, so he looks down and continues, “You told your friends that I was your boyfriend”. “What?” Frank's eyes widen and his breathing gets faster, he's feeling alarmed about what he's expecting to hear next. “I told you that I wanted something casual and you agreed with that. I don't want a relationship and you know it”.

“Oh my god, Gerard!” the other man raises from the couch. “Are you saying that we are not in a relationship?” he yells outraged. “I've spent most nights here in your apartment for the last four months, we hang out, watch movies and go out all the time...” Frank speaks fast and counts every mentioned activity with his fingers. “You just took me to a fucking fancy restaurant, for fuck sake, and you tell me that we are not dating?” His voice gets louder and his face is flushed with anger. “Almost every night Gerard,” he leans down and tilts Gerard's face up from the chin to look directly at his eyes. “Almost every fucking night, we end up here having sex in your bed, but you say that I'm not your boyfriend?,” He snorts, “So, how do you call this?" Frank flicks his hand back and forth between them. “Fucking cuddle buddies?” He asks sarcastically arching an eyebrow and looking at him defiantly.

Gerard stands up, his eyes are widened to their limit, his mouth dry and his heart is beating so fast that he feels like it is going to pop out of his chest at any moment. “Frank, it's not... I...” He doesn't know what to say, he would never expect a reaction this emotional coming from Frank. He's in shock because he just realized that he did something really stupid and he feels regret punching him hard in the pit of his stomach. Frank stands there in front of him, furious and tense staring for a moment. Then he looks down and sighs deeply and painfully.

“I don't even know why I let this happen,” Frank says, he seems a little calmer now but his voice sounds cracked. Gerard frowns and shakes his head because he doesn't understand what the other man means. “I wasn't even...” Frank rubs his face with one hand and huffs. “You didn't call me Gerard, and that was fine,” Frank states harshly. “I wasn't going to see you again, but then Mikey...” “Mikey?” Gerard asks concerned, he doesn't know what his brother has to do with this. “Yeah, I talked to him and he said...” Frank stops talking and huffs averting his gaze to the side. “But you know what?” He turns around and takes his coat, “I can't force you to do anything you don't want, so fuck it,” then he walks hurriedly towards the entrance.

“No, Frank! Please, don't go!” Gerard begs with a loud pleading voice and runs after him, but the door is slammed in front of his face before he can say another word. Gerard freezes behind the door and stares at it with wide eyes. He can hear himself gasping for air, his breathing is uneven and his heart isn't beating any slower. He knows that there's no point in standing there any longer when Frank is already gone, but he can't move and he doesn't know what is happening to him.

If this wasn't supposed to be a relationship; if he wasn't supposed to be in love with Frank and there were no feelings involved whatsoever, then why he is feeling like if someone just ripped his chest open?


	8. What little brothers are for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard is depressed and Mikey talks to him.

Mikey's weekly visits haven't been very pleasant lately, not at least since his brother slumped hard into depression. Right now Gerard is lying face-down on the couch, an old blanket covering his whole body except for a small gap that frames his face and from where he's staring blankly at the screen of the TV. Mikey looks at him from the kitchen while he's serving some food in a pair of plates. He's not sure that his brother is blinking or that he's even breathing. He's been lying there immobile, in silence, with his face buried in a cushion and an unreadable expression for hours.

He hasn't talked much since he had that confrontation with Frank weeks ago. Mikey only knows the general details of it because Gerard won't share more than that with him. It's not that his brother doesn't trust him or that he doesn't want him to know exactly what happened; it's that Gerard doesn't want to re-enact that night in the form of a narration, he has enough with the flashes of memories that keep hovering in his mind and Mikey can understand that.

What really worries him, though, is the fact that Gerard actually looks calm, that is, he doesn't seem to be falling apart anymore, instead he seems to be numbed, like if his body went into a _desensitized mode_ or something and that, he knows, it's a really dangerous stage in a depressive state. Mikey would like to see his brother react in some way, to see him angry, to see him yelling and punching stuff to let off some steam, or at least to see him cry and let out his feelings for Frank that way, but Mikey knows that Gerard can be pretty good at holding his tears when he's like this.

“I brought you something to eat,” Mikey stands by the couch holding a plate in each hand. He leans down in order to allow Gerard grab one of them, but the older brother doesn't move, he just looks up, his eyes meet Mikey's for an instant and then he looks back at the TV disinterested. Mikey recognizes that empty gaze so he puts the plate over the coffee table, sighing. “You can eat later,” he says resigned, then he sits in an armchair near by the couch and starts eating his food in silence.

Thirty minutes go by and Gerard hasn't moved, hasn't eaten and hasn't said a word. Mikey thinks that there's no point in staying much longer since Gerard isn't showing any signs of wanting him there so he thinks that it would be better to leave him alone. He wants to help him in some way and that's really frustrating because right now, he can't think of anything that can make Gerard feel better except for bringing Frank back, which is something that Mikey certainly can't do, so he decides to give up for now.

While he takes the plates from the table, he hears his brother calling him. “Mikey,” Gerard says with a raspy voice. “Huh?” Mikey looks at him, raising his brow. Gerard hasn't moved a bit, but he seems ready to start talking. “What did you say to Frank?” he asks quietly. “What did I say to Frank?” Mikey rephrases the question because he's not sure what his brother is talking about. “Nothing,” Mikey shakes his head, quirking. “I haven't talked to him lately,” he says after considering it for a minute. “Not lately,” Gerard clarifies, tilting his head up to look at him. “When we first met”. Mikey puts the plates back on the coffee table and sits on the edge of the armchair shaking his head and looking disconcerted at his brother.

Gerard finally unfreezes from his lying down position and sits up clumsily. “The night that we...” he scowls and closes his eyes because he doesn't know how to phrase what he's about to say. “The night that we _broke up_ , he mentioned that at first, he was giving up on me because I didn't call him, but then he didn't because you said something to him”. “Oh, that...” Mikey nods when he remembers having that specific conversation with Frank months ago. “What? What did you tell him?” Gerard asks intrigued.

“Well...” Mikey sighs. “Do you remember the time when I came over and I basically yelled at you because you were not calling him”. “Yes,” Gerard nods. “Well, back then I wanted to buy a new bass because you know that the old one was useless. So after I left here, I went to almost every store in town asking for prices, until I found this shop near by the mall”. “Um,” Gerard hums with his eyes closed and grimacing because he feels a little dizzy from standing up too quickly after having been in a horizontal position for hours. “I didn't know it was his shop and I didn't see him at first,” he explains, “But then I asked for a discount and the guy behind the counter told me that I had to talk to his boss for that”. Gerard sighs and narrows his eyes because he can be patient, but sometimes he hates Mikey's incapability to get to the point already.

“And there he was,” Mikey continues, “Frank walked out of his office and he recognized me. Then we got talking..." Mikey looks down, "Um... About you mostly,” he says. “Okay then, what did you tell him?” Gerard asks again trying to get a straight answer this time. “Well...” Mikey takes a deep breath and then comes clean to his brother. “I basically told him that you're a wimp, an alcoholic, that you have problems communicating your feelings and an almost pathological fear of romantic relationships,” Gerard opens wide eyes when he hears Mikey talking fast blurting those things out, then he tilts his head down, runs his fingers through his hair and tugs some strands hard.

“Jesus Mikey! Could you be any nicer?” He rumbles. “I'm not done yet,” the younger brother says adamantly lifting his palm. “I also told him that you are too sensitive and empathetic for your own good, that you're a kind, caring man with a big heart and that if he gave himself the chance to get to know you, he wouldn't regret it”. Gerard snorts and rubs his face with both hands. He stays quiet for a minute, feeling kind of moved for what Mikey just said, because those are probably the worst and the nicest things his brother has ever told him, all together.

“Okay,” Gerard breathes out, feeling calmer. “What did he said?” “He told me that he liked you, that he really liked you and that he would give you both a chance”. Gerard raises his brow and gapes looking surprised. “That's why he came by that night, all out of the blue,” he says when he realizes the effect of his brother's intervention. “Yep,” Mikey nods, “That's how I got you Frank and I got a sweet discount on guitars,” he says grinning, seemingly proud of himself.

Gerard feels a little better now that he knows that what Mikey said wasn't so terrible. It was something that had been tormenting him since Frank mentioned it, but he hadn't had the courage to ask Mikey because he was afraid of what it could be and that it would make him feel even worse. But now that he knows, he sighs alleviated and lays back on the couch, then notices the plate with food over the coffee table. Since his stomach stopped churning, he can start eating. Mikey grins while he sees his brother taking the first bite because now that Gerard sat up, talked, ate and started to look alive again, he can leave and be a little less preoccupied.

“Oh! I almost forgot,” Mikey says while he's putting his empty plate in the sink. “What?” Gerard asks with his mouth full of food. “I also told Frank what you said,” “What I said?” Gerard frowns. “Yeah, that you wanted something casual...” Mikey says while he's walking back to the living. Gerard nods and hums as he pinches a piece of meat with the fork and takes it to his mouth. “That kinda made him doubt, you know?” “Doubt?” Gerard looks immediately at his brother. “Yeah,” Mikey nods and then sits down again. “He told me that he wasn't looking for just a hookup, he doesn't want to be fucking around because...” Mikey thinks for a minute, frowning, “Well, I don't' know why,” he shrugs, “But he seems to like commitment and you avoid it, so I had to say something to convince him,” Mikey says trying to justify himself.

“What? What did tell him?” Gerard narrows his eyes and puts the plate back on the table, he feels a little concerned now. “I told him that he could go along with it and that you would eventually give in”. Gerard opens big eyes when he hears his brother explaining that. “Oh my god!” he yells alarmed, then he covers his face with both hands and slumps against the cushion. “Gee?” Mikey gets close to his brother and calls his name but he doesn't get an answer, he can only hear muffled groans. “Gee, what's wrong?” He reaches to pat his brother's shoulder, but then he jumps back when Gerard lifts his face up abruptly.

“Mikey, you tricked me into a relationship?” “What?” Mikey opens big eyes, he doesn't understand what his brother is talking about. “You two fucking tricked me into a relationship!” Gerard yells stressing every word. “No,” Mikey says adamantly, then he reconsiders for a moment. “I...” He hesitates, “I mean... I guess we did, but...” “Arg!” Gerard groans loud and throws his head back when he hears his brother admitting that, then he lays down, buries his face in the cushion again and covers his whole body with the blanket, face included this time.

“Gee,” Mikey looks at him feeling regret. “You know that I'd never do anything to hurt you, I just... I wanted to help,” Mikey tries to justify his actions, but he's feeling really frustrated right now because his brother just went into _cocoon mode_ again and he's being unreasonable. “I wanted to see you happy, Gerard,” he says after a moment, then sighs and rubs his face. “You were happy with Frank, right?” Gerard doesn't answer, he just stays still hidden under the blanket for a few minutes. Mikey doesn't talk either, he stares at him, reconsidering his part in this affair.

“I was,” Gerard finally admits and uncovers his face. Mikey can see a deep sadness in his eyes before he pulls the blanket down again. Inside his warm textile shelter, Gerard remembers the countless phone calls, text messages and emails that Frank didn't answer. He remembers the time when he went to his apartment after a week of postponing it. He decided to tell Frank that he wanted them to be together under whatever terms he established, but once that he was there, he couldn't say anything.

That night Gerard stood in front the building for about an hour, with his back against the cold wall, smoking cigarette after cigarette until he saw Frank parking his car in the street. Bob went out the vehicle first and passed by giving him the dirtiest look. Frank followed his friend, but he didn't turn to face Gerard at any time, not even when he was walking up the steps at the entrance and Gerard was about a foot of distance from him, reaching his hand, trying to grab his arm. “I don't want to talk to you,” he said adamantly, looking down with a blank expression and Gerard felt his words going through him like sharp blades.

“I was,” Gerard repeats beneath the blanket, “But he doesn't want to be with me anymore.” “He does, I'm sure he does,” Mikey says convinced. “How do you know?” Gerard uncovers his face and looks curiously at his brother. “Because he loves you, can't you see that? That's why he got so pissed,” Mikey explains earnestly. “You think so?” Gerard arches an eyebrow, he looks hopeful but still incredulous. “Yeah,” Mikey snorts like it's the most obvious thing in the world and Gerard is the last one in finding it out. “And it's obvious that you love him back, because, look at you Gerard,” he says, pointing at his messed up body sprawled over the couch. “You've been grieving for the past three weeks and now it's time for you to do something, so lets go,” Mikey pulls the blanket away a grabs Gerard's arm, tugging him up.

“Where?” The older brother asks disconcerted. “You're gonna go find Frank and talk to him. You will tell him that you love him and that you want him back”. Gerard finally stands up. “What? Mikey, no!" The older brother protests, "I can't do that, he hates me,” he says whining. “He doesn't hate you,” Mikey tilts his head back and rolls his eyes a little. “And if he does,” he considers the possibility for a moment. “Well... Then you'll have to get his love back, so c'mon,” Mikey pushes Gerard towards his bedroom. “I thought that we were going to find Frank,” Gerard looks back and points with his thumb over his shoulder thinking that they need to go in the opposite direction in order to do that.

“Yes,” Mikey walks ahead and pulls him by the arm, “But first you have to take a shower because, seriously bro,” he says while he shoves Gerard into the bathroom, “You smell like a farm animal or something”. Gerard snorts and closes the door.


	9. Operation get Frank back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard and Mikey go find Frank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks 2Human4Nature for your comment from where I got the title of this chapter.

In the shower, the warm stream runs down Gerard's body. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply while the water rinses gently the soap off of his skin. He really needed this, not only to get clean, but to wake up from the numbness he had been gradually falling into. He stays under the spur a few more minutes watching how the water drips down the long strands of dark hair that fall over his face. Once he's out of the shower, he stands in front of the mirror and stares at his reflection. Gerard sighs when he remembers what his brother just told him; what he said about his fears, about his problems communicating his feelings and about him loving Frank.

“Mikey is right...” he thinks as he looks at his blurred image, then he takes a towel and passes it over the steamy surface of the mirror to wipe it until he can see his own reflection cleary and contemplates it for a minute. Gerard looks at his pale face and his sad eyes, at his damp hair falling over his forehead and at his bare chest going up and down as he breathes. There's nothing to hide now. “I love him,” he says quietly and a faint echoe resonates in the tiled room repeating his words. Gerad inhales and closes his eyes for an instant.

“Gerard, are you ready?” Mikey knocks and asks behind the door. “Yeah, just a minute,” Gerard takes the towel and wraps it around his waist then he rubs his hair dry with a smaller one and walks out of the bathroom. This is not an occasion to be picky with the clothes he's going to wear, so he just takes the first pair of jeans and underwear he sees when he opens his closet and puts them on, then a T shirt, he got the luck to find a clean one, and finally a hoodie and his coat because it is still too damn cold outside.

“Ready?” Mikey enters the room when Gerard is sitting on the bed putting on his boots . “Yes,” he nods and stands up. “Let's go then,” Mikey beckons and walks out. Gerard follows him, but he stops at the bathroom door for a second, then he goes in and stands in front of the mirror once again. “I love him,” Gerard repeats, but this time he can see a slight smile appearing on his reflection. Then inhales deeply and walks out, he's ready now.

“Do you know what are you gonna tell him?” Mikey asks while they're sitting in the car waiting for the red light to change. “Yeah,” Gerard says quietly, “Well... Not exactly, ” he huffs, “But I have a general idea”. Mikey nods at him and gives him a reassuring smile before he starts to drive again and Gerard turns his gaze to the side window.

They haven't talked much during the ride because Gerard is too nervous to chat, he's too nervous to even being able to think so, no, he's not preparing an elaborated speech in his mind that includes all the things he wants to say to Frank, because he can barely think straight right now. He just looks blankly at the cars passing by and at the people walking by the street and hopes, he hopes that Frank's at home, that he'll open the door and hear what he has to say, but mostly he hopes that he'll take him back.

“It's that one,” Gerard points to an old brick building at the corner of a busy street. Mikey pulls over and parks the car. He gets out first and walks around the car. Gerard rolls down the window, but he doesn't look like he's going to exit the vehicle. “I don't think he's home,” he says nervously, “I don't see his car”. Mikey can see that his brother is having second thoughts about this, “Maybe he parked around the corner,” he says while he opens the door of the passenger's seat. “C'mon Gee, we're already here,” he beckons and Gerard sighs harshly. “Okay,” he nods and gets out.

Gerard is walking to the entrance, but stops before he puts his foot on the first step. There's a problem, they need a key to get inside or need to call one of the tenants on the interphone and ask them to open the door. Mikey knows that it's less probable that Frank will accept talking to Gerard if they call him from outside than if they just appear at his apartment's threshold announced, so they stay outside the building for a while thinking what to do. Gerard is fidgety, he's getting more and more anxious by the second, but he knows that it would be worse if he decides to retreat now.

Luckily an old lady just walked around the corner and is getting closer, she's carrying some bags with groceries that seem to be heavy. Mikey walks to her all smiles and charm. “Let me help you with that,” he offers politely and takes the bags. “Thanks,” the woman says, grinning before she takes her key ring out of his purse. “Are you the young men that just moved to the third floor?” She asks while she pushes the door open. “No, actually we're here to see someone and maybe you can help us with that”. Mikey gives her a quick summary of the whole situation and Gerard believes that with that, his brother just set a new mark in the records of fast talking. The woman purses and seems to consider it for a minute, then she gives Gerard an empathetic look and nods. “Come in,” she says mildly.

“Thanks,” Gerard smiles at her and jumps in, feeling a sudden rush of confidence. He walks up the stairs hurriedly and then jogs to Frank's apartment, but once he gets there, he freezes before the door. “It's here?” Mikey joins him a couple of minutes later. “Yes,” Gerard nods, “Apartment 23,” he sighs, “Mikey, I don't think I can...” He says but his brother interrupts him before he can back off. “Gerard I'm not doing this again, Okay?” Mikey states as he reaches for the button of the doorbell. “Mikey no!” Gerard protest and then he moves aside instinctively when someone opens the door.

“Hi, is Frank here?” Mikey asks with a friendly tone. “How did you...?” Bob arches and eyebrow but before he finishes his question, he opens the door a little more and sees Gerard standing in the hall. “Oh, it's you,” the blond man says unwellcoming. “Hi Bob,” Gerard waves a hand and tries to smile at him, but is clear given his expression, that the other man won't smile back. “Can you call Frank?” Gerard asks sheepishly, “I need to talk to him”. “He's not here, ” Bob shakes his head. “Do you know where he is?” Mikey intervenes. “Well,” Bob looks down at his watch, “He must be at the shop now,” he replies to Mikey and then turns to Gerard. “But I don't think that he wants to talk to you,” he adds severely.

Gerard drops his gaze and his expression turns into a grimace of defeat. Bob notices the change in Gerard's face and softens his tone. “He's been pretty bumped out since... You know,” Bob shrugs with one shoulder. Gerard realizes that he hurt Frank and winces, he wants to apologize for having hurt him, but Bob is not the one to apologize to. “We'll try to find him anyway,” Mikey says and nods at Bob. “Thanks man,” he adds before he turns around and grabs Gerard's arm. “C'mon,” he says softly to his brother and they start walking.

“Mikey,” Gerard's been quiet since they left the building, fifteen minutes ago. He's been staring at the space with his elbow propped on the edge of the window and his head resting on his hand. “Um,” the younger brother hums in response. “I hurt him,” Gerard says bitterly. “Gerard, stop that,” Mikey turns to look at him for an instant and scolds him, then turns his eyes to the road again and huffs. “Just focus on the positive and forget about the negative shit, okay?” Mikey says trying to reassure his brother. “Okay,” Gerard nods and looks down, then he notices that Mikey slowed down the car and is pulling over. “Where are you going?” Gerard asks when he sees that his brother is getting out of the vehicle. “I'll be right back,” Gerard looks up and sees that they parked in front of a coffee shop.

Five minutes later, Mikey walks out the establisment holding two cups. He gets in the car smiling and hands one of them to Gerard. “Thanks,” the older brother says and brings the cup to his lap, then he takes the cap off and inhales deeply letting the scent of the beverage fill his lungs. He waits a few minutes an then a sip of the hot liquid alleviates his dry, soared throat. “Mmh” Gerard moans softly, then throws his head back and closes his eyes for a second. “I needed this so bad. Mikey, you're my savior,” he says and looks at his brother grinning mildly. “Yeah,” Mikey snorts, “And you can keep worshiping me later,” he pulls over again. “Now go get him,” he says and takes Gerard's cup from his hand. Gerard inhales deeply and gets out of the car.

He can feel his heart racing fast while he crosses the street and realizes that he just forgot what he was supposed to say, but it doesn't matter, he has to see Frank, he has to see him now. He walks into the shop hurriedly, but runs into a human barrier at the very entrance. It's a big bald guy with more visible tattoos than Frank and a really intimidating look. “Sorry,” Gerard mutters and steps back. “I'm looking for Frank... Frank Iero,” he says hesitant. “He's in the back,” the big guy points at a door in the front wall right by the counter. “Thanks,” Gerard starts walking. “But we're about to close,” the big guy rumbles behind him. “Okay,” Gerard answers without turning back. Once he's at the door, he reconsiders what he's about to do for a moment and sighs, then puts his hand around the knob and twist it

When he pushes the door, it crashes against some boxes. “Bill, we have to take these...” Frank's eyes widen when he looks up and realizes that the man at the door is not Bill, his employee, but... “Gerard? What are you doing here?” he frowns and asks disconcerted. “Frank, I... I need to talk to you,” Gerard says and steps closer. “Gerard, I...” Frank takes the box he's carrying in his arms to a table and then turns to face the other man. “You shouldn't be here,” he shakes his head. “I know,” Gerard whines, “But I wanted to see you again, just let me...” “I don't..." Frank sttuters, "I don't think this is a good idea,” he says faltering and starts walking towards the door, but Gerard grabs his forearm before he can leave.

“Frank please,” Gerard's pleading voice sounds high and cracked, so he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He doesn't' want to ruin this so he needs to focus and think carefully what he's about to say, but he has never been very eloquent and he simply looses his ability to articulate speech correctly when he's this nervous, so he's pretty much screwed.

Frank stays still under Gerard's hold, but his breathing is agitated, Gerard notices it in the way that his chest raises and falls under his shirt. When Frank finally looks up to face him, their eyes lock for a moment. Gerard gapes slightly and sinks fully into Frank's flickering gaze. He takes this as a sign; they can do this, he thinks, they can reconnect again, but then a loud thud makes them both look away.

Bill just opened the door and hit the pile of boxes behind it just like Gerard did. “Is everything okay here boss?” He frowns when he sees the way that Gerard has his hand clenched around Frank's arm. “Yeah,” Frank nods and Gerard releases his hold immediately. “Um...” Frank looks back at Gerard for an instant before his eyes shift to the door again. “Bill, we need to move these boxes from the entrance, can you do that for me?” “Sure,” The big guy walks in and starts taking the boxes to the opposite wall.

“Let's talk in the office,” Frank says quietly to Gerard and walks ahead. Gerard follows him closely and his nose can catch a hint of his cologne. He wishes he could slide his hands around the other man's waist and hold him tight against his body until the embrace would let Frank know how bad he wants them to be back together and how much he loves him, but he can't do that, they have to talk first. Frank stands at the threshold of the small office. “Come in,” he beckons.

Once that they're both inside, Frank closes the door and as soon as he turns around, he sees Gerard standing right in front of him looking at him with big pleading eyes. Frank gulps and drops his gaze for a second. “So, what you wanted to say?” he asks plainly, looking up again. “Frank, I...” Gerard huffs, “I miss you so much, I came here because I want us to be together again,” he says hoping to get a positive reaction from Frank, but his heart crushes when the other man responds.

“Gerard,” Frank shakes his head and looks at him with sad eyes, “I don't know if I can be with you anymore.” Gerard starts to worry and his breathing gets uneven. “Frank, I know that I hurt you, but...” he tries to say something that can make up for what he did wrong but Frank doesn't seem to relinquish. “I don't think you're ready,” he says looking down. “What you mean?” Gerard asks frowning. Frank bites his lip and sighs harshly, “Mikey told me that you felt that you were not ready to be in a relationship and you, well...” he hesitates for a moment, “You confirmed it”. “Frank,” Gerard calls his name, begging.

“And there's also...” The younger man averts his gaze and frowns, he seems to be searching for the right word in his head. “Your problem,” he finally says without turning to face Gerard. “My problem?” Gerard arches an eyebrow, he doesn't know what Frank's talking about. “Yeah, you know...” Frank cocks his head and looks at him intently, waiting for the other man to decipher what he means. “Oh!” Gerard breathes out and his eyes widen when he realizes. “My alcoholism,” he states. “Yeah,” Frank nods feebly and that confirmation makes Gerard feel like suffocating because it hit him hard.

“So maybe you're right,” Frank shrugs, “Maybe you're not ready for us to be together”. Gerard nods nervously and after considering it for a moment, he starts walking to the door, “Right, maybe I'm not.” Frank frowns and his expression shifts to concern, “You're leaving?” he asks bewilder. “Yeah, I should not have come here,” Gerard says clenching the doorknob and inhales deeply. “Bye Frank,” he mutters and walks out.

Gerard is wheezing while he runs across the street, the lump he's got trapped in his throat is making him hard to breath. “Of course he won't take me back,” He says sternly to himself. “He doesn't want to be with a drunk. A fucking stupid, incapable of assuming his own feelings, drunk”.

Mikey is still in the car, taking the last sip of his coffee and listening to some old song on the radio, but he turns it off when Gerard gets in the car abruptly. “Mikey, let's go home,” he demands immediately. “Gerard?" Mikey watches his brother fastening his belt clumsily, his breathing is agitated, his gaze aloof and he looks completely wrecked. “What happened?” He wants an explanation. “This wasn't a good idea,” Gerard mutters and crosses his arms tight over his chest, then he starts rubbing firmly his biceps with one hand, up and down, like he's feeling cold.

“What? Why?" Mikey asks concerned. Gerard stops the movement of his hand and then stares at the dashboard frowning, his lips are parted like he's about to say something but he emits no sound. “Gee, what happened?” The younger brother insists and he can feel his own breathing getting faster, he's feeling very alarmed right now. Then he hears Gerard's broken voice begging for him. “Mikey, please... Just...” his words turn into a deep, painful gasp. Gerard covers his mouth with a hand and scowls, his other arm is still wrapped around his chest like if it is preventing his whole body from falling apart. Mikey doesn't know what the fuck is going on, he doesn't know what to do, but then Gerard turns to look at him, shivering.

Mikey fastens his belt, turns on the engine and starts driving in silence. He doesn't need his brother to say another word, the tears that started to fall out of Gerard's eyes explained it all.


	10. Sunset at the park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard is sitting at the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short chapter where nothing really happens. It's a sort of interlude or something before the final chapter.

Gerard closes his eyes for a moment as he inhales. All he can feel now is the crisp wind whipping his hair and the content produced by the nicotine hit that comes with the first drag. This is a calm night, a little cold now that the final winter gushes started blowing, but it's nice still. Gerard remembers the warmth he felt two hours ago in this very place, when the last sunset beams brushed against his skin and the golden light dyed momentarily his pale face.

This place, this bench has become his refuge lately. He comes here when the emptiness of his apartment overwhelms him. When it gets unbearable, he takes his jacket, his pack of cigarettes and sometimes his sketchbook and walks the few blocks that separate the building where he lives from this park. “That's a great improvement,” Mikey has told him and Gerard thinks that it really is. He doesn't spend the hours between work and sleep time lying face-down on his couch covered by an old blanket and feeling self-pity anymore. He did the first week, though, and it was tough, he even took a few days off from work.

Ray dropped by the second day. “You didn't go to work,” Ray stated when Gerard opened the door. “No, I didn't,” Gerard quirked and shook his head. “Why?” Ray asked, frowning. Gerard considered the question for a moment and averted his gaze when he felt that his friend's inquiring look was too much. He wanted to say something convincing, to give him some good excuse that vaguely alluded to his health, like the one he gave to his boss, but Ray knew him better than that and he didn't want to lie to him anyway.

Even though, he wishes he would have came up with something a little less grim, but, “Because I lost Frank and I feel like shit,” was all he managed to say. After that, Ray hugged him, Ray actually hugged him, longer and tighter than Gerard would have expected or considered that was necessary, but it was nice. It's nice to have a friend like Ray, he thinks.

Tonight he left his sketchbook at home and brought his iPod instead. Gerard turns up the volume with one hand and flicks the ash of his cigarette with the other one. The ashy remains fall to the ground before a sudden gush sweeps them away. Gerard cocks his head, closes his eyes and let himself sink completely into the music. He feels good now, after weeks of being miserable and thinking constantly about him. He knows that he can do this, that he'll be fine.

He knows that every day, people fall into depression and go out of it. Every day, people loses the ones they love and get over it. Every day, people face their problems, not they all succeed, but at least they try. The only thing he regrets is that he never got to tell Frank that he loved him. He hopes that he knew, though, that somehow he realized it just the way that he realizes now that Frank loved him. It didn't work, but they did love each other.

When the song finishes, Gerard checks the hour. “Time to go home,” he thinks and stands up, then throws the butt of his cigarette to the ground and steps it with the heel of his shoe. The few people that were at the park start leaving as well. He can recognize some of the other pedestrians that usually spend their evenings here, but then the shadow of a man passing by, a figure that he believes he recognizes, makes him stop walking. He's about to turn around and check, but he shakes his head thinking that it may be no one, then shoves his hands in his pockets and continues walking.

 

 

 

 


	11. Sunday morning. Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the final part of the story, so they get back together, of course :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the final chapter went a little too long, so a slip it and now this story is divided into twelve chapters.

“7:15”

Gerard opens his eyes and then closes them again. He thinks that his blurry vision and sleepiness are playing tricks with his mind. It can't be 7:15. Who the fuck is at his door at 7:15 a.m. on a Sunday? Gerard certainly doesn't want to know; he's not expecting anyone so maybe it's just someone with the wrong address and he doesn't feel like dealing with inopportune visitors right now, so he decides to ignore both, the digits on the clock and the ringing of the bell by pulling the sheets up and covering his head completely.

He's determined to fall asleep again, but as soon as he starts forgetting about the abrupt interruption, the doorbell rings once more. Gerard sighs harshly and pulls down the covers, then confirms the time. It's 7:18, too fucking early for him to be awake on a Sunday, but it seems that he has no option than to go answer the door, so he sits up lazily on the edge of the bed and puts his slippers on, then shuffles to the living rubbing his eyes and wondering who could it be.

Mikey wouldn't be awake this early, not after a gig and Ray mentioned something about a convention, "But that's next week, right?" He's not sure about the date, but it can't be today and certainly, not this early. The only person left on his list of possible visitors is Mrs. Taylor, his neighbor. She's like seventy years old and pretty active for her age, but sometimes she needs help carrying heavy things up stairs. “It's probably Mrs. Taylor,” Gerard thinks when he puts his hand on the knob, but as soon as he opens the door, the acceleration of his heart rate and the fluttering rising from his stomach indicates him that the inopportune visitor is no other than...

“Frank!” Gerard blurts out startled. “Hi Gerard,” Frank greets him with a feeble smile. “Can I come in?” He asks after a moment. Gerard takes a minute to answer because, well, his brain isn't really working right now. It is too busy trying to process the surprise caused by Frank's unexpected presence at his threshold and the bundle of emotions that started to emerge all of the sudden. He thought that this was over, that he was over Frank already, but it doesn't seem to be the case now that he's right in front of him once again.

Gerard stares at Frank with big eyes and gaping. The younger man looks like him, disheveled hair, circles around his eyes and a three day old stubble. There's a difference, though, because Gerard's expression is one of utter astonishment, whereas Frank's reflects dejection. “Gerard?” Frank calls his name faltering. “Yes, um... ” Gerard blinks and shuts his mouth, then he shakes his head slightly like if that can take him out of his shock. “Sure, come in,” he finally manages to say. Frank bites his lip and walks into the apartment.

They stand at the entrance for a moment. The older man keeps staring bewildered while Frank takes his hand to the back of his head and his eyes drift around the place, he doesn't seem to know what to say or what to do. Gerard notices Frank's uneasiness and thinks that he needs to do something about it. “Would you like some coffee?” he offers. “Um...” Frank hesitates like if he wasn't expecting that question at all. “You know that I need some caffeine to start functioning this early in the morning,” Gerard says, grinning, trying to justify his offer.

“Right," Frank winces. "I'm sorry I dropped by this early. It's just that, well...” He thinks for a moment and then explains, “I didn't sleep much last night and I got up early from bed so I've been awake for a while”. Gerard looks at him intently, wondering what made Frank show up at his apartment like this, all out of the blue, but he decides to leave that for later, right now he needs to focus on making him feel welcomed. “It's okay, I'll be fine after my first cup,” he smiles warmly and then walks to the kitchen.

As Gerard fills a pot with water in the sink, he turns back to look at the other man standing in the living. Frank is taking out his coat and Gerard can see that under it he's wearing pajama pants, as he is, and an old ragged hoodie on top. That's certainly not an outfit that one would wear to go out on a visit, so he finds it odd, but he couldn't care less about Frank's fashion choices right now, the important thing is that he's here.

After dropping his coat on a chair, Frank walks to the kitchen and sits on a stool gingerly. Meanwhile, Gerard is putting the pot on the flame of the stove, then he turns around and steps closer hesitantly. He takes a moment before he starts talking; there are so many things he wants to say, so many questions he wants to ask beginning with “Why are you here?” and “Does this mean that you want me back?” But this whole situation seems too fragile, he's not sure about why Frank showed up at his apartment door this morning or what he wants and that makes him consider that it's better to initiate a conversation from a safer approach. “So...” He starts, “How you've been?”

“Um...” Frank analyzes the question for a moment. “I don't know,” he huffs and looks down. “It depends, I guess”. “Depends on what?” Gerard cocks his head, he didn't expect that kind of answer to a simple question like the one he just asked. “On what you're talking about,” Frank clarifies, “I mean, in general, I've been good... great actually,” he nods and bites his lip. “We have a lot of work at the shop lately, thanks to this important new client, um...” he stops for a second and seems to be recalling something. “My parents came to visit last week and we spent a nice time together...” His eyes light up as he says that and Gerard smiles fondly because he knows that Frank doesn't get to see his family very often.

Frank smiles briefly and continues. “I also had a gig last Friday,” “You performed again?” Gerard asks immediately and the younger man nods with a shy grin. Gerard would have loved to be at that gig and see Frank play, but he doesn't think that it's appropriate to mention it now, so he lets the other man to continue. “So that's in general,” Frank drops his gaze again. “But if you mean how I've been doing without you, that's a whole different story,” he says and his tone has quickly turned gloomy.

Frank tilts his head up slowly and Gerard feels his stomach flip when their eyes meet. Frank's expression has shifted in an instant, now his eyes reflect a deep sadness and he looks kind of vulnerable. Gerard feels strangely moved by that and he wants to get closer and do or say something to make him feel better, but he still thinks that this thing going on is too frail, that a hasty move could tear it down, so he waits for the other man to keep talking.

“Gerard,” Frank bites his bottom lip before he continues. “I've been in my car waiting outside the building before six”. “What?” Gerard arches an eyebrow, he doesn't understand why Frank would do that. “I saw you,” the other man explains. “I saw you last night at the park and after that, I couldn't stop thinking about you”. Gerard gasps and he can feel his heart starting to race. “Gee,” Frank takes his hand gingerly and Gerard shivers with of the sudden touch. “I know that I hurt you, that I was being stubborn and I wasn't listening, but...” he huffs, “I fell in love with you and...” Frank can't finish his sentence because now he's using his lips to kiss Gerard back.

The moment that Frank held his hand again, Gerard knew exactly what he had to do. He stepped forward, used his free hand to slide it around Frank's waist and pull him closer, then he leaned down and kissed him eagerly. It took Frank a few seconds to react because that was totally unexpected, but once he did, he responded just as keenly. He stood up from the stool and dropped Gerard's hand to take his own to the back of the other man's neck, pulling his face closer and providing a better angle to deepen the kiss.

Now they're making out in the middle of the kitchen and Gerard figures that it would be better if they do it against a steady surface, so he turns around slowly without separating his lips from Frank's and starts leading him to the other side of the room. Frank gasps when his back crashes against the fridge, but he only takes a second to catch his breath before he kisses Gerard again. The taller man moans when he feels Frank nibbling his bottom lip and sliding his hands under his T shirt. Frank moans louder when Gerard slides his leg between his thighs and starts grinding rhythmically. They both are so turned on right now that the slightest touch makes them shiver and gasp.

When Frank throws his head back and a throaty moan slips out of his mouth, Gerard takes the opportunity to mark a trail of kisses down his neck. “Gee, I missed you so much,” Frank says breathlessly. “Me too, Frankie.” Gerard did miss him like crazy, “But now everything is back,” he thinks. Every single thing he longed to have from Frank is back, the sweetness of his mouth, the taste of skin, the sound of his husky voice resonating in his ear, his warm breath brushing against his neck. Gerard breaks the kiss and takes a moment to contemplate the other man all flushed and gasping in his arms. “I love you Frank,” he whispers. “I love you too Gee,” Frank looks up and their eyes lock for a few seconds before their lips crash together again.

Frank's breathing is jerky now and he needs to pull back for a second in order to catch some air, but Gerard doesn't give him a truce, he leans down to suck and bite the other side of his neck. After a moment, Frank calls his name, panting, “Gee”. “Yeah?” Gerard exhales. “I'm gonna come,” the younger man lets him know in a desperate whisper. Gerard can feel his own dick throbbing and leaking underneath the thin fabric of his pants. “Do you want me to make you come?” Gerard asks sultry pressing his lips against Frank's ear and feeling an unexpected rush as he takes charge of the other man's orgasm. “Yeah Gee, make me come,” Frank presses  his body tighter against Gerard's and begs him wheezing, "Please, make me come".

The movements of Gerard's hips go faster and harder and their erections rub against each other's bodies frantically. That makes Frank writhe and pant, but when he digs his nails deep in Gerard's back, they both know that he's already there. Gerard thrusts once again and Frank is now trembling and gaping and coming hard in his pants. A few more thrusts and Gerard is doing exactly the same. His orgasm hits him so hard that he has to prop his arms against the fridge in order to avoid tumbling over Frank.

For a long moment all they can hear is the bubbling of the boiling water and the hiss of their heavy breathing. When their heart rate is back to normal, Frank brakes the silence. “That wasn't supposed to happen before we talked,” he chuckles. “Talk?” Gerard breathes out, he has his forehead resting faintly against Frank's and his arms are wrapped around his waist. “Yeah, that's why I came here in the first place," he explains, "But then you, um, we...” Frank looks up and lets out a giggle.

“Right,” Gerard pulls back, “Let's talk..." he says. "Just...” When he steps back, he can feel something sticky in his crotch, so he thinks that it's polite to offer Frank go get a little more comfortable. “Why don't you go change, um...” He points vaguely at his groin, “Your pants and I'll be there in a moment.” “Okay,” Frank smiles fondly. Their eyes lock for a moment and they both lean forward for a quick kiss before the younger man starts walking towards the bedroom.

 

 

 

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Note: If you haven't read [Bonnie's funeral](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1868529) by [alecsmanwhore](http://archiveofourown.org/users/alecsmanwhore/pseuds/alecsmanwhore), you should, it's very funny.

 

 


	12. Sunday morning. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk and figure things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, I really hope you liked this story.  
> Thank you so much for reading it, for your comments and support :)

“Frank, are...?” Gerard was about to ask Frank if he was ready, but he doesn't finish his question because when he puts a foot in the room, he comes face to face with him. They're a few inches away from each other, Frank has his head tilted up and an eyebrow slightly arched. Gerard remembers that gaze from the day they met. Those big bright eyes boring into his, absorbing him completely.

“Your eyes,” Gerard says quietly after a moment of staring. “What?” Frank raises his eyebrow higher. “I missed them,” Gerard explains. Frank sneakers and bites his lip, “You missed me part by part?” he asks playfully and that makes Gerard grin. “Actually, I missed every part of you,” he confesses and Frank's expression shifts into a more serious one. “I did too,” the younger man raises his hand to cup Gerard's jaw gently and then repeats the words quietly, “Miss every part of you”.

They keep staring at each other for a moment until Gerard suddenly remembers why he came to the bedroom in the first place, then he steps back to look down at Frank´s body. “Did you change your clothes?” he asks. “Yep,” Frank nods and pinches the fabric from the sides of the sweatpants he borrowed from Gerard's closet. “I was still wearing pajama pants and I didn't even notice,” he says, taking a hand to the back of his head and grinning. “I know,” Gerard chuckles. “The coffee is ready if you want some,” he points with his thumb back to the kitchen. “Okay, see you in a minute,” Frank replies before walking out.

After that, Gerard goes directly to his closet and changes his clothes quickly. He's about to walk out and meet Frank in the living, but suddenly, he freezes by the doorway. Frank wanted them to talk, Gerard remembers and the implications of that hit him abruptly. They're about to discuss the terms of their relationship and probably other things that have been hanging in the air like his alcoholism and his fears and... Gerard breathes out heavily through his mouth and closes his eyes, he's getting anxious at the thought of something going wrong again.

The last time he tried to talk, it didn't work at all. He didn't even get to say half the things he wanted to, why would this time be different? He scowls and opens his eyes again, then inhales deeply. “He said he loved me,” Gerard remembers, “That's what's different”. They both acknowledged and admitted what they feel for each other so... “Gerard,” Frank's voice takes him out of his thoughts. “I'm coming,” he answers and then walks decisively out of the room.

Frank's already sitting on the couch sipping at his coffee. He smiles when he sees Gerard getting closer and pats softly the side of the couch inviting him to sit there. “That one is yours,” Frank says, pointing at the black mug over the coffee table. “Thanks,” Gerard leans over and reaches it, then sits back on the couch and takes his first sip gingerly. They're both quiet for a moment until Gerard decides to start the conversation. “So, you wanted to talk,” he says tentatively. “Yeah,” Frank nods and sighs deeply, “There are some things that we should discuss if...” he pauses to put his mug on the table. “If we're getting back together,” he adds and shifts on the couch to look directly at Gerard.

“Okay,” Gerard agrees willingly, he's feeling a little nervous right now, but he knows that they have to do this if they want to be together again. “But first,” Frank looks down, “I have to ask you something,” “Anything,” Gerard offers. Frank thinks for a moment before he asks, “What happened the night that you went to the shop?” “What happened?” Gerard arches an eyebrow and looks at him disconcerted, he doesn't know exactly what he means. “Yeah, I...” he sighs, “We were in the office talking, right?” Gerard nods, “But then you took off all of the sudden, what was that about?” Frank looks at him with worried eyes.

Gerard remembers very well that night, given that he kept replaying it in his head time after time during the past weeks. “Well..” he grimaces, “That was when you said that you didn't want me back because I was an alcoholic”. Frank gapes and his eyes widen, “I never said that,” he replies bewildered. “But...” Gerard frowns, “You said that I wasn't ready for this because of my _problem_ ,” he says air quoting the word “problem”. “But I didn't mean it like that Gee,” Frank shakes his head vehemently. “You didn't,?” Gerard looks at him dubiously. “No, what I meant...” Frank huffs, “Look, we all have problems and stuff, I understand that and you're okay now, right?” Frank looks at him expectantly.

“Yeah, I am but...” Gerard breaths out, “You know that this is a long life thing, right?” “I know,” Frank nods, “And I'll be here to support you in whichever way I can,” he says. “Really?” Gerard lifts his brow, “Sure, as long as we are together,” Frank assures him. “So you don't mind that I'm an alcoholic?” Gerard asks because he needs confirmation. “No,” Frank shakes his head, “I knew about it before you told me, remember? Mikey gave me a heads up about, well... Everything,” Frank grins. “I still don't understand why he told me all that”. “He was mad at me that day,” Gerard explains with a lopsided grin. “Okay,” Frank huffs a giggle, “I'll remember not ever making him mad,” he smiles and then sighs.

“Gee,” Frank takes Gerard's hand between both of his hands, “Your alcoholism was never an issue for me. I mentioned it that night because is clear that it is an issue for you and, after talking to Shirley, I realized that you were using it as an excuse to keep the distance, so...” Gerard nods because he agrees, he realized that as well, but he has a question so he interrupts. “Who's Shirley?” “Oh,” Frank opens wide eyes. “I didn't mention her before, did I?” “No, not that can I remember,” Gerard shakes his head. “She's my therapist”. “Oh,” Gerard nods. “Do you remember all the appointments that I've been attending to, well... They've been with Shirley.” Frank explains and Gerard is looking at him a little surprised because he didn't know a thing about it. Frank can see the surprise in the other man's face, so he explains further.

“I had all these issues going on, you know?” Gerard nods because, well, he knows. “And I needed someone to talk to, so I started seeing Shirley a couple of weeks before we met. I've talked to her about us a few times”, Frank tilts his head and runs his fingers through his hair, “That has helped me to understand what went wrong... Between us, I mean”. Gerard winces, he feels that this is the time for him to apologize. “Frank, I'm so sorry that I hurt you,” he says wholeheartedly and cups Frank's face with one hand.

The younger man looks down and huffs. “Gerard, it wasn't just you, I...” he pauses and scowls. “You made clear that you didn't want a relationship, but I kinda ignored that”. Gerard snorts, “You kinda tricked me into a relationship, didn't you?” he grins. “I guess I did,” Frank admits and smiles back, “But we were exclusive and we spend way too much time together for it to still be considered as _casual_ , you know?” He says air quoting the "causal" part. “I thought that you had already figured that out”. “But I didn't,” Gerard admits. “Yeah, I suppose that you're not the sharpest tool, aren't you?” Frank sneakers. “I'm not,” Gerard shakes his head, smiling.

“Look,” Frank's tone gets more serious, “I never talked to you about that, I just assumed,” “We both assumed,” Gerard says immediately. “Yeah,” Franks exhales and looks down at his feet. “So,” he says after a moment, “In order to make this work, I thought that maybe we can have some sort of agreement”. “Okay,” Gerard waits to hear the conditions. “If you don't want to define the status of our relationship or whatever, I don't remember the exact term that Shirley used,” Frank says and scratches the back of his head, “That's fine,” he shrugs with one shoulder, “But first, you have to come clean to me, you have to tell me why”. “Why what?” Gerard frowns. “Why you don't want to have a real relationship with me,” Frank says earnestly.

Gerard gapes and looks at him worriedly. “Frank no,” he cries out. “You think that it's because of you?” Frank is now looking at him with big sad eyes and Gerard can't stand that. “Frank I... Um...” Gerard tries to explain, but the lump that suddenly formed in his throat makes him stutter, “I love you, okay? That's exactly why”. “What?” Frank asks disconcerted. Gerard scowls and closes his eyes for a moment, “I Almost always end up hurting the people that I love and I end up pretty hurt too, you know?” he explains. “That's why I avoid getting involved like this Frankie, I'm just...” he huffs heavily. “I'm too fucked up,” he admits and tilts his head down, defeated.

Frank frowns and takes a deep breath, “Well, I'm fucked up too, Gee,” he leans down a little tilting his head to speak closer to Gerard's face, “Most of us are in some way, but sometimes we have to forget about that for a moment and give ourselves a chance,” he adds. Gerard stays quiet for a minute. “A chance to love another fuck up?” he replies and looks up with a lopsided grin. “Exactly,” Frank agrees, smiling and their eyes lock. “I love you so much Frankie”. “I love you too, Gee”. Frank closes the small gap between them by grabbing Gerard's neck with his hand and pulling him closer.

Frank kisses him softly, almost delicately at first. His lips touch Gerard's tenderly and move along slowly in time with their breathing. For a long moment, Gerard barely moves, he just lets Frank kiss him the way he wants. All his attention focuses on the feeling of Frank's hands caressing his skin, in the taste of his mouth and the warmth of his breath against the wet surface of his own lips. Frank shifts carefully on the couch and Gerard let himself sink into the seat as Frank's body pushes him back gently. Now the younger man is straddling him, but their lips haven't separated a bit, Frank keeps kissing him just as soft and loving as before.

Gerard twitches a little when Frank starts to run his fingers through his hair; a quiet gasp slips out of his mouth when he feels him touching the especially sensitive spots in his scalp. Frank accepts that as his cue to start taking this further, so he breaks the kiss and slides down nibbling and licking Gerard's jaw and neck. The moan that the older man emits when Frank sucks the skin right above his clavicle, resonates loud in the room. Frank pulls back a little to see the dark mark that he just left on the little patch of pale skin. Then he looks up and smiles sultry at Gerard before moving his head to replicate the hickey on the other side.

This time, Gerard's moan is deep, but quiet and breathless. The intensity of the bites increases with the feeling of their hardening erections pressed together. Frank keeps moving so slowly, kissing and nibbling Gerard's skin. He's not exactly teasing, it's more like if he wants to savor every moment, to relish every single moment of this for as long as he can, but Gerard wants more, he needs more. “Frank, move,” he says quietly while grabbing Frank's hips and pulling his lower body closer. “Please,” he begs breathlessly, “Move”.

“Like this,” Frank responds and starts grinding leisurely up against him. “Yeah,” Gerard gasps. Frank speeds up the pace gradually and the friction gets more intense and delightful the faster he moves. Gerard throws his head back and can't help but moan every time that their erections meet. That seems to be enough to take him to the edge, but Frank has other plans in mind. He wraps his arms around Gerard's neck and leans down. “Gee,” he purrs next to his ear, “I want you to fuck me”.

Gerard suddenly opens his eyes and sits up straight. “You do?” he asks feeling a little surprised because, usually, they go the other way around. “Yeah,” Frank's answer sounds more like an exhale than a word. “I want it so bad,” he says, pressing his forehead against Gerard's and looking at him through his eyelashes. It takes Gerard a moment to process Frank's request, but then he agrees gladly, “Let's go then,” he smiles. Frank moves to the side and kneels down on the couch, that allows Gerard to stand up and take Frank's hand.

Once they get into the room, Gerard walks to the bedside table and takes a little bottle of lube and a condom out of the drawer. Meanwhile, Frank takes out his shoes, pulls down the covers of the bed and sits on it. “Come here,” Frank calls him quietly. The other man turns around with a smile and kneels down on the bed. Then he leans forward and kisses Frank deeply. The younger man whimpers a little when their tongues meet, but the kiss doesn't last much, because Gerard starts tugging up his hoodie and pulls back to take the piece of clothing out.

Luckily the clothes they're wearing right now don't need to be unbuttoned, unzipped or unfastened in any way, they just pull them off and throw them carelessly as fast as they can. They're already laying naked on the bed in a heartbeat. Gerard gets on his knees and takes the lube and the condom from the side of the pillow. After a couple of minutes of prepping, they both are beyond ready.

Frank is lying on his back now and that allows Gerard to see everything, he can see the way that Frank's squeezes his eyes shut and furrows his brow, how he throws his head back on the edge of the pillow when his neck and back arch in a spasm of pleasure, the way that he bites his bottom lip and how, once that his teeth release it, a loud throaty moan slips out of his mouth right at the exact moment that Gerard goes deep inside him. He starts thrusting slowly like Frank did on him just minutes ago over the couch, but the pace of the thrusts gets fast, almost desperate very quickly.

Gerard is so close now, even though he wants to hold it, to make this last a little longer, but once that the other man starts whispering obscenely in his ear, he gives up. “C'mon Gee, come inside me,” Frak asks him sultry and that's just too much for Gerard to handle right now. The sight of the man writhing under him, his husky voice resonating seductively in his ears, the overwhelming sensation of being inside him, of being with him once again, it's too much. Gerard thrusts one last time and then tumbles down, burying his face in Frank's neck. The younger man feels his skin vibrate when Gerard muffles his last moan against it.

Gerard is worn out right now, but he's not done yet. After pulling out, he lies by Frank's side and slides his hand down. Frank cranes his head forward when he feels Gerard's fist clenching tight around his dick. He starts stroking slowly up and down. After a few slow strokes, Gerard speeds up the motion of his hand and rubs circles with his thumb around the slit. It doesn't take much for Frank to reach his orgasm after that. A few more rapid strokes and he's panting erratically. Frank emits one last deep moan before coming hard and plummeting on the mattress.

After cleaning the cum out of his hand, Gerard pulls the covers up and lays next to Frank, then slides an arm around his torso. They snuggle like that for a long moment. The usual rumble coming from the street can't be heard on Sunday mornings and the glimmer breaking in the room through the windows is still very mellow, so the place is dim and really quiet. Gerard closes his eyes for a moment. At first his mind is blank, drifting in a wave of post orgasmic bliss, but then he starts recalling memories of him and Frank lying on his bed like this. All of the sudden he realizes something.

Gerard opens his eyes abruptly and calls the other man's name, “Frank”. "Um,” Frank hums a reply. He is lying on his side, clasping the pillow with both arms, his eyes closed and he's expression is so serene that he seems to be already immersed in a dream. Gerard remembers that Frank didn't sleep well last night so he decides to let him rest, “Nothing,” he says quietly, “Go back to sleep”. Frank doesn't respond, he just shifts his head a little and then stays still, breathing steadily and looking beautiful.

What Gerard wanted to say was that there's no way that they, they being together, could be just casual. He remembers how they met, the instant attraction they felt for each other, how they fell in love without really acknowledge it, how they went apart and then got back together, all that happening with a little help from his brother and an egg called Bonnie, of course.

So it couldn't be. There's no way that their love could be just _something casual_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment.


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